Consider Me Gone
by iamashleydawn
Summary: Bella and Edward have been together since they were 12 years old. But at 25, Bella has down something horrible to destroy their relationship, and Edward can't handle it. This story is written in both past and present to tell the story of BxE's relationship. OOC. All-human.
1. The End

**A/N: Okay, this is my very first Twilight story, and it's kind of a gift to my Twi-hard (at least in fan fiction) friend cplust. She wanted me to write her a ExB story, so I did. But I made Edward a cheater, and she doesn't like that. Nyeah lol **

**Okay, this story is going to be written almost backwards. This first chapter is the end, and the rest of the story will be the beginning. You'll have to read it to understand. But I'm kind of really excited for it. **

**Hopefully I do it justice. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. But if I could, I'd own Jackson Rathbone ****J**

***~***

"So, this is it, then?" I ask, staring into his eyes and wondering what the hell just happened. I feel winded, betrayed, and emotionally lost. What does one say when they realize that 13 years of friendship and love is being thrown away because the person you trusted to love you more than anything in this world is in love with another?

"Yeah, I don't know what else to say, Bella. You have your ideas, I have mine. I just don't feel that way about you anymore." Edward's face is resigned. I'm sure mine must mirror his. Our emotions almost always are in sync. We are almost always in sync.

At least, I had thought so, before today.

*~*

_Four hours ago._

Edward walked into the house, threw his keys on the bowl inside the door, kicked his shoes off, and walked straight to the fridge for a beer. Like he did everyday for the last five months.

Honestly, the routine was so routine that Bella didn't even smell the stench of fermented crap anymore. It was like their own version of potpourri.

Which is probably why Alice hadn't been over in three months.

And why Bella's lips hadn't touched her husband's in two.

"Hey, honey," Edward said, leaning down to plant a kiss in Bella's hair, only his lips didn't even make it that far before he gave up the effort and walked into the living room.

Bella followed him, and stood leaning against the doorjamb. "When did you stop loving me?"

Edward's eyes snapped up from his perusal of the channel guide to stare at her in shock. "What? Who said I didn't love you anymore? You're my wife, Bella."

"Am I?" Bella crossed her arms and refused to cry over the love she spent thirteen years cultivating. "Then why is it that every time you come home from work, you smell like Chanel No.5?"

Edward rose from his place on the couch, slamming his beer bottle onto the table. "What does Kate have to do with this?"

Bella laughed dryly, "Well, Edward, maybe if you listened to yourself, you'd understand. We don't even talk anymore." She pushed off from the wall and dropped herself into the armchair. Bella didn't want to fight with Edward. So he slept around. He left her five months ago, anyway, so it wasn't even like she felt cheated on. Really, they should have filed for divorce when it all happened. But Edward insisted that they were forever.

Bella knew differently then, and she sure as hell knew differently now.

"Bella, baby, where is all this coming from? I thought you were making me lasagne for supper?" he asked, sniffing the air but not coming up with anything remotely Italian.

She looked at him like he had just grown three heads. "What the hell, Edward? I accuse you of sleeping with another woman and you ask me where the supper is?" She gave him the finger. It was a childish move, and at 25 she felt stupid for doing it, but her resolve to not get angry was being thrown out the window very rapidly.

"C'mon, just go make the lasagne and we can have a conversation over supper. I'm sure we can find something to talk about." Edward sat back down and took a swig of his drink.

Bella laughed. Cause, seriously, what other choice did she have? Crying wasn't an option anymore. Her tear ducts had dried up months beforehand. And Edward had never responded well to tears. He would clam up and pretend they never existed.

"Edward, just answer the question. Do you love me anymore?" It was so simple. Such an easy, yes or no question. The problem was, she still loved him and she knew he had no real feelings for her anymore.

He walked away, not even bothering to give her a glance. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and rummaged a little before standing back up and grinning at her through the kitchen door. "How do you even make lasagne, babe? There's a reason you do all the cooking, you know."

That was the last straw. She couldn't hold it in anymore.

"ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME?"

Edward stopped and stared at her, a room and a hallway away, his mouth opening and closing. "You've… uh… never raised your voice like that before."

"Well, then I guess it's about fucking time I started, ain't it?" She laughed derisively, her feet swinging up to rest on the coffee table. Edward might have thought she looked comfortable and relaxed, if her body wasn't as stiff as a board and her eyes weren't so wild.

"Answer the fucking question, Edward. What is so hard?"

He tried. He thought about it, he thought of everything he used to love about her, her hair, her laugh, her smile. Her love for all things photography. Her unusual knack for making the perfect dish every time.

But then his mind drifted to Kate, to Leah, and to Rosalie, his brother's wife whom he may or may not have had a drunken one night stand with five months ago. No one knew about her, of course, but every single time he laid eyes on her now he felt this slight pull, this twitching, that he never felt for Bella anymore. Even conversation about the weather annoyed him when it came to Bella. It was just so much easier being drunk.

"No… no, I guess not."

Those four little words broke Bella's heart. "Oh." She didn't know what else to say. She didn't even know what to feel. She had known he was sleeping with other woman for awhile now, she could smell their perfume. It wasn't as if he had ever made an attempt to hide it from her.

But she had hoped. She had prayed. She had begged on her hands and knees for a miracle. For him to forget everything that had happened five months ago and to move on with their lives as husband and wife. They were married, for fucks sake!

"Fine. Get your things."

Edward looked at her, confused. "What do you mean? We're married, Bella, this is my apartment just as much as it is yours." By the look on his face he honestly hadn't expected her to throw him out so fast. Maybe he was praying for a miracle, too. But she wouldn't give it to him. She didn't think she had it left in her to care.

"I can't. Not tonight. Please, just get your things and go away."

When she looked back up, he was nodding his head. He drank the rest of his beer silently, as fast as he could, and then walked to their bedroom.

*~*

Edward looks as if he wants to say one last thing, but I am too scared of what might come out of his mouth. Thinking fast, I reach up and kiss him with everything that I have, but Edward doesn't react. Not that I expected him too.

"Yeah, this is it." I answer my own question and finally my eyes turn to sadness and betrayal.

It is in these last few moments, these spare glances that we have of each other, that Edward smiles. "But I'll miss you."

And with that, Edward opens the door and walks out of our apartment, and my life.

**A/N: So what did y'all think? The chapters will follow this same format, present tense opens and closes (all Bella's POV), and in the middle will be flashbacks written in 3rd**** person past tense. If it's confusing, I'm sorry ****J**

**Please review, I eat them for lunch!**


	2. Living and Bella Moves to Forks

A/N So here is chapter two :)

Oh, and go read cplust's stories! There awesome and she needs more motivation. :P

--

Tonight was the first night in almost four years that I am sleeping alone. I'm actually scared to death. I didn't realize how much having Edward right there made a difference. But without him, our - my - apartment makes strange noises. It's disconcerting to say the least, so, fed up with attempting to sleep, I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen.

This doesn't help me any.

Edward's beer bottle is still sitting on the counter and I pick it up, rolling it in the palm of my hand and barely noticing when tears start trickling out from my eyes.

"Huh… I thought they were all gone," I say to the empty air, crying a little harder as my body gives out from underneath me and I collapse against the hard tile of my kitchen floor.

I'm not even mad at him that he left. I'm not mad at him that he cheated.

I'm mad at myself. I started this whole mess, anyway. It was only a matter of time before Edward realized we weren't really forever.

Like I said, I knew it all along. I was never good enough for the doctor's son. The boy next door.

*~*

_Thirteen years ago._

Bella finished unpacking one of the forty-three boxes laying around her room. It was unfortunate that she had so many toys, and pictures, and other doodads because she really just wanted to go outside and play in her new yard. It was huge! They had a pool, and a pathway that led into the woods. And her dad had promised her a swingset, if she managed to unpack by the first day of school on Monday.

Three days away, and she was only done one box.

But the sun was shining and her dad said that hardly ever happened up here in Forks.

Bella Swan had grown up in Phoenix, Arizona with her crazy mother Renee, who until recently was perfectly sane enough to take care of her.

Then she'd gotten married.

Bella still shuddered to think of her mother and Phil. A professional baseball player who was only good enough to play in the minor leagues, and not really good enough to get signed to a contract there. So he moved around a lot, and Renee happily trailed after him.

Or she would have, if Bella hadn't been there.

So, feeling as if she had no other choice, Bella sat her mother down and convinced her it was time to move to Forks. Bella just absolutely needed to be near her father, and the schooling was way better anyway. Well, that one was a lie her mother saw right through, but Renee was secretly quite happy to be saying sayonara to Bella and hello to Phil.

Bella missed her mom like crazy already, and she had only arrived yesterday, but they had talked and her mother's glow over Phil shined through the phone. Even at 12, Bella knew she had made the right decision.

Taking another look around the room, Bella decided it was time to give up and go play. No one could concentrate with that amount of sunlight streaming through her light purple curtains anyway, it reminded her too much of home. Running down the stairs she called to Charlie that she'd be in the backyard, and would get to unpacking when she had soaked up enough sun to last her through the next couple of weeks.

The backyard was huge. Charlie hadn't done much to change it since she the last time she had spent her summer here. Her old sandbox was still in one corner, her bikes of all sizes chained beside the backdoor. It was kind of like coming home to Bella, and she smiled, walking over to her old playhouse and running her fingers along the wood. Now that she was a little older she had plans to turn it into a clubhouse for her, and whatever friends she made at Forks Middle School. Her mind was already creating colors and pictures to decorate the dingy old shed.

Just when she was wishing she had have brought her camera outside with her, a head peeked over the neighbouring fence. "Umm, hello?" she called, not sure who it was, since last time she was there an old couple had lived in that house. Her father hadn't mentioned any new neighbours. "Who are you?"

The head disappeared and then a full body walked through the hole in the back of the fence. "Hi, I'm Edward." Behind him followed two more bodies, both guys. "This is my brother Emmett," he said, pointing to the brown haired guy who reminded her of the bully from her old school, "and this is Jasper, my cousin." Jasper was the little blonde haired boy that was in the back, looking at Bella shyly.

"Hey, I'm Bella Swan." Bella walked up to the bronze haired boy who had introduced everyone and shook his hand.

Edward looked down and laughed, "You have purple nail polish." At that the other two boys laughed to, and Bella's eyes flashed.

"What's so funny about purple nail polish? It's just nail polish!" She huffed and crossed her arms, deciding she didn't like these neighbour boys after all.

"Nothing," Edward said quickly, holding his hands out. "Alice Brandon always wears nail polish too. And it's always purple. She might get mad at you if you go to school wearing her color."

Bella's eyebrows raised. "Mad at purple nail polish? Puh-lease. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm gonna wear it, cause purple is my favourite color."

Emmett shrugged, "Your death, chick. Where did you come from, anyway?" Edward elbowed him sharply in the ribs and Emmett grunted, "What the fuck was that for!?!"

Jasper looked up at this, for the first time saying something, "Emmett! Uncle Carlisle says you're not allowed to use that word! Just because you're 14 -" he was cut off when Emmett turned around and glared.

"Are you gonna tell?" Bella knew right then that Emmett reminded her of the bully at her old school cause he was the bully at this school. He sure acted like it with his cousin.

"Hey, I'm just saying, you shouldn't say it so close to the house. Uncle Carlisle will get mad and take your play station away." Jasper shrugged, apparently not bothered by Emmett's closeness. Bella liked him, he seemed cool and confident.

Edward rolled his eyes, "Yeah, man, don't swear around the house. I've almost beat Crash Bandicoot!" Emmett coughed what sounded like 'Pansy', but let the subject drop. Edward looked back at me, "What Emmett meant to ask you, before all that, was where are you from?"

Bella looked at Edward, and noticed his eyes were a dark green. Almost emerald. It was stunning and she wanted a picture of them for her clubhouse. "Umm, I'm from Phoenix. Mom and Dad were married in Forks, but then she moved down there when I was one. But now I'm back." She awkwardly pointed over her shoulder, with her thumb, at the house. "Where are you from? You weren't hear last summer when I was visiting."

Jasper smiled, "I was, technically. But not here, I live across town. Edward and Emmett's parents moved into this place about three months ago."

"Bella!"

She groaned at the sound of her name coming from inside the house. "Guess that means I better go unpack. It was nice meeting you." She turned and started walking back towards her house. When she got to the backdoor, she looked over at the fence and noticed Edward still standing there, beside the hole. Bella waved and he smiled back and disappeared.

"Ah crap. Not here a two days and I already have a crush."

*~*

The tears stop flowing, and the cold of the tile floor seeps into my cheek. I didn't notice at first, but I am lightly shivering. My usual attire of short shorts and tank top are not really helping to shield against the frigid air of the kitchen, and I cannot find the strength in me to turn up the thermostat.

So, here I sit, face pressed down into the floor, curled into a tight ball, and I wait. I'm not really sure what I was waiting for. Perhaps the last five months to be a dream, perhaps for sunlight, or most likely, perhaps for Edward to walk back into the house and say that therapy is an option, and that he's not really in love with Kate.

But it's not going to happen. He's probably in her arms right now, giving her my kisses, and worshipping her the way he used to worship me. I don't cry. Crying right now is pointless, and it cannot switch back time. The only hope I have now is that he said he'd miss me. But is it hope or wishful thinking?

I don't know how long I lay there, fetal position, waiting, but eventually the sun comes up. I blink against the light, and then push myself into a sitting position.

I survived the first night. I stand up and go shower, alone, but smiling.

--

A/N So what do you think? Let me know in reviews, cause I love them! Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited, or story alerted me! I appreciate any and all forms of feedback!

Oh, and I have like the next two chapters written, so it'll be an everyday update kinda story.


	3. Alice and Bella Goes to School

A/N: YAY! Omg thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, or alerted me! I love you all. =P

--

Days went by. Hours passed. And minutes happened right on schedule. It is officially 7 days, two hours, and 13 minutes since Edward walked out that door, and I feel as if I was still laying on the cold tile floor of the kitchen. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and every time I love I get cold. My life has been reduced to staring out the window and watching his favourite shows on TV.

However, right in the middle of my self-pity and copious ice cream consumption a knock is heard around the apartment. I am in the bedroom, staring at the couple of shirts that were in the washer, and therefore, he didn't take. I have taken to wearing them at night, to make me feel better.

So far it's not working.

But as soon as I hear that knock I am off the bed like a jolt. I practically fly to the door, dishevelled appearance, tattered sweats, and all. When I open the door, it isn't exactly who I want to see. I mean, I love Alice, but I almost broke down again just at the sight of her.

"Hey, Allie," I say, sagging shoulders and dragging my feet back to my bedroom.

Alice scoffs, completely disgusted by the looks of my apartment. I don't blame her. It's full of crap, I just haven't had the inclination to clean it. Seems like a waste of time with no one to share it with. "Bella, honey, you have to get dressed. This isn't natural."

"Not natural? Edward left, Alice! He's gone. He's in the arms of some five dollar whore that spread her legs for her boss, all in the name of getting a promotion." I look at Alice condescendingly, "She doesn't love him, you know. He thinks she does, so he's convinced himself he's in love with her too. But she doesn't love him. She wants a raise."

I walk over to my computer and plop down in the chair. I have no use for the bed anymore. I can't bring myself to even sleep in it. The couch has been my new best friend lately, as the thought of sleeping alone in a bed that was made for two - for me and Edward - is just too much for me to even bear.

Alice, however, has no qualms with sitting on my bed, so she does, kicking her shoes off and stretching out to get comfortable. She pulls a bag closer to her and opens it up. In it are the contents of the 'Break-up Bag', a tradition that started long ago when her and Mike Newton had broken up in the 8th grade. And then again, when her and Eric Yorkie had broken up in the 9th grade. And then again when her and Mike Newton had broken up again in the 10th grade. It wasn't until 11th grade did Alice finally realize that Jasper was head over heels in love with her, as she was him, and they ended up together.

But now, Alice is three months along with their second child, the first being a little girl named Maria, and they have been happily married for five years, three years longer than me and Edward.

"Alice, I don't need the break-up bag," I say, attempting to placate her with a smile, but instead just making her grin larger. Obviously I was in dire need of _The Notebook_, _PS I Love You_, and even more copious amounts of ice cream, this time in caramel pecan flavour.

*~*

At 7:35 am on Monday morning Bella woke up, excited for her first day at Forks Middle School. She had seen Edward twice more since Saturday. The first time was later on that day, when he and his parents were going away in their very nice silver car. The second had been yesterday when she was out in her pool, soaking up another nice day in Forks, and Edward had been peeking through the hole again. She didn't think he knew that she had seen his watching, but the thought made her giggle blush red.

Now, it was her first day at a new school. And it was the end of April. She was a little scared, but mostly excited because she knew at least three boys in her school, even if she didn't really like one of them because he seemed liked a bully.

She got dressed in her most favourite pair of bright yellow jeans and a pink and yellow tank top, with her pink knit sweater over top. Her grandmother had knit the sweater before she had passed away two years ago. Bella slipped on her bright red sneakers that had Mickey written on the side, and put her hair up in a headband. Then she grabbed her backpack, her lucky Mickey Mouse pen and ran downstairs to eat breakfast.

After a quick breakfast of toast and jam, Bella was impatiently waiting for Charlie to finish his shower and get downstairs. She knew it was kind of dorky to be driven to school in Charlie's police cruiser, but it was either that or walk two miles to the school every morning. And none of her bikes were big enough to fit her anymore.

When Charlie finally got downstairs, and they were in the cruiser, Bella gazed out the window to see if Forks had changed any. To her, it hadn't. It still looked like the same sleepy old town as she had always seen, but somehow with her actually living in it, it felt different. Like something amazing was going to happen to her at any moment.

At the school, Bella kissed Charlie quickly, then jumped out, looking around for any sign of Edward or Jasper. She'd take Emmett too, if she could find him. But none of them were to be seen, so she begrudgingly trod off towards the main building marked office.

In her class, taught by Miss Taylor, she sat next to a very pretty girl with short brown hair, a pixie like nose, and a deepest brown eyes she had ever seen. Bella liked her immediately, but when she looked down at the table, she noticed the girl had purple nail polish on. Bella's eyes grew wide and she yanked her hands so they were hidden underneath.

The girl looked over at her, but didn't say anything since the teacher was talking. When recess came, the girl stopped her from leaving and introduced herself as Alice. She linked arms with Bella, before Bella could stop her, and that's when Alice noticed the nail polish.

"Oh my goodness!" she squealed, grabbing Bella's hands and holding them up for better inspection, "Is that OPI's Purple with a Purpose?"

Bella looked confused and mumbled, yeah. Alice squealed louder. "Where in the world did you find it? I have been looking everywhere!" With that sentence sealed their lifelong purple nail polish wearing friendship. Although neither girl wore purple nail polish past the 11th grade, opting instead for fake acrylics.

At lunch, Alice led Bella over to a table where Jasper, Emmett, and Edward already sat. "Hey guys," Bella called, sitting beside Edward, while Alice sat beside Jasper.

Alice looked shocked, "You've already met?" At Bella's affirmative nod, Alice pouted, "I wanted to introduce you." Jasper smiled at her and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. She laughed and was instantly her sunshine self again. "Well, whatever. How do you know them?"

Edward answered before Bella had a chance too. "Oh, Bella is Chief Swan's daughter. She moved in next door."

Alice smacked her hand to her forehead, "Oh yeah! I forgot all about the fact that you were Chief Swan's daughter." She laughed airily.

The conversation seemed to focus solely on Bella, which she didn't mind, but felt was kind of jeopardizing to her new friends, because she didn't know much about them. But she did find out that Emmett wasn't really a bully. He just acted tough. When it came to people he really cared about, he was a big softie.

But she liked Edward most of all. And after school they would always do their homework together, or swim in her pool. Edward and Bella became fast friends and the best of, at that. By the end of that summer they were inseperable.

*~*

We decide that _The Notebook _is the better choice to start with, since we both want to see Ryan Gosling's naked torso. Halfway into the movie, Alice jumps up behind me and starts to play with my hair. It's our ritual. Whenever we're watching movies I get very relaxed, which is the only time I ever let Alice near me with a hair brush.

But today was special. Today I was in pain, and Alice always made pain go away, so I let her brush my hair and put it into unimaginable hairstyles, then take it out and start all over.

I cook spaghettini for Alice because I know it's her favourite. She makes me chocolate chip cookies because they're her specialty. I know that in no time I will be fat and poor with Alice allowed baking in my home. She's fabulous.

"So, do you want to come shopping with me next week? Please Bella?" Alice asks as we sit down to supper, "I need a new dress. Jasper is talking me to this cotillion thing, that his little sister has to go to. It's so romantic, it's like an old ball. And I need something to wear."

"Your mounds of clothes can't cover your tiny ass enough, you need to go buy more?" I snap at her, jealous of her and Jasper's happiness when I threw my own away five months ago.

Alice's eyes grow wide and she stares at me. Then she does the worst thing, she starts to tear up. Alice has a special mind blowing trick she does that can get you to agree to anything she wants. She will fill her eyes with water, but never let any spill over, and then pout the crap out of her bottom lip. If it's something she really wants, she'll even throw in a whimpering sound like a dying cat.

It's truly pathetic, but me, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett fall for it every time. Edward does too, but I'm not thinking about him.

I take one look at her sad puppy face and cave. I will go and support her and Jasper's happiness because, even if I fucked mine over, they haven't. And they are gorgeous.

Besides, Alice's belly is starting to puff out a little and I don't think she has any dresses that will fit her anymore. Besides, maybe if I do this trip with her she will let Rosalie go maternity shopping this time around. Cause heaven forbid she wear anything she's already worn the first time around.

So, when Alice leaves that night, it's with a lighter heart. Because she managed to get me to smile. And laugh. And not wallow in self-pity for a couple of hours.

Now if only I could bring myself to sleep in my bed.

--

A/N: So Bella isn't totally broken. Or maybe she is. Who knows? hahah. But as everyone knows, time heals all wounds. =P

So the only one besides me who knows how this is going to end is cplust (Go read her stories, she just posted a new one about serial killers!), but here's a question for you: Do you think it should be happy endings all around? Should Bella and Edward get back together? You guys are the readers so I'm curious to know if you could forgive Edward or not!


	4. Lost Letter and Clubhouse Painting

A/N: Wow, the love and support for this story is incredible. thank you so much. Thanks to my best friend cplust for recc'ing me. Go read her story Songs to Live and Die By! It's freaking awesome, and kinda scary :)

To someone who asked, no, there won't be any of Edward's point of view. I try to write in what he's thinking a little during the past part, but mostly it's centered around Bella, and learning to live after her husband leaves her.

And hahah, I love how all of you are like, "Make her get a boyfriend! Make her find someone new but then go back to Edward!" hahah. Guess you're really gonna like chapter 5 and 6 then :)

--

It has been three weeks since Edward walked out the door. He came back once when I was at work, according to Jasper, and took the rest of his stuff. Our bedroom is now officially my bedroom, and I can't even bear to walk in there anymore. I moved the computer into the living room, and put my clothes in the laundry room. It just isn't the same anymore.

But, it has been three weeks. I've survived three weeks. Somedays it felt like I could hardly breathe, and I'd call in sick, or drown myself in ice cream.

I am starting to find that it has gotten easier, though. He may have actually walked out of my life three weeks ago, but he had left me five months before that. And it is all my fault.

Today, however, it isn't easier. Today it's hard. And I can't breathe, and I can't feel. All I want to do is cry. Edward is gone, and the only thing he left me, without realizing it, is a note he wrote me back in our first year of college. A note he never gave me, but I found today sitting in the back of our closet.

_Hey gorgeous!_

_How was your day? I know, cheesy right, but I am sitting here in English Lit and I can't stop thinking of how you looked this morning. All naked, with your hair fanned out over our pillows. In my bed._

_God, how did I ever get so lucky, as to have you in my bed every morning?_

_Yeah, so this is way too cheesy. Hell, I probably won't even give it to you. But, you are beautiful. And I miss you like hell right now. _

_Do you know the exact moment I fell in love with you? It's simple, really, it was that first day when you were standing by the clubhouse, trying to figure out what colors to make it. I knew right then that I loved you. Christ, I didn't even know your name, but you were so pretty, and you looked so… peaceful thinking about the clubhouse that I knew you were awesome._

_Emmett made fun of me, you know. Lots of times, for finding my true love at twelve. I just had to give it back, cause he has yet to find his._

_Although, Rosalie and Emmett would be a great couple, maybe we should set that shit up?_

_Oh, crap, the professor just dismissed class. So that means I'm saying goodbye for now, baby. _

_And I'm really never giving this to you. It's just too cheesy. But I love you anyway._

_Love forever,_

_Edward._

I clutched the paper, which is now crinkled and stained with my tears, to my chest and remember us at 18. God, we were so in love, the future bright ahead of us. Just goes to show what seven years will do.

I fucked this up so badly.

*~*

_Twelve years ago._

"Edward!" Bella screamed, as he chased her with a paintbrush full of bright orange paint. "Get away from me! Gross." She hid behind a tall tree, and looked around, trying to spot her nemesis, but Edward was suddenly no where in sight.

"Edward?" Bella called, and then screamed as a giant streak of orange paint went down her side. "EDWARD!" She reached over with her own pink paintbrush and attempted to swipe him back, but he jumped away and ran off laughing.

Bella walked back to the clubhouse, holding her arm out because she didn't want to put it in the paint. When she reached the clubhouse she took her tank top off so she was only in her bikini top. She let her tank top lay on the ground for the paint to dry, then stuck her tongue out at Edward and went back to painting the outside.

Edward's 13 year old heart jumped, and he stared at his best friend, who was newly developing. He tried to speak, but nothing more then a squeak came out and he went over to the opposite side to paint there.

"Edward? I thought we were painting together, what are you doing over there?" Bella called over to him, but he squeezed his eyes shut and ignored her. He could hardly think, let alone answer her back.

Bella walked over to his side, hands on hips, glaring at him. "You're supposed to paint with me, so that it looks all crazy and paint splatter-y." She pouted at him, and his eyes grew wide before he looked down at the ground.

"Umm… I just figured we're get it done faster if I start over here." Edward mumbled to the ground. Bella looked at him funny, then went to walk back over to her side. Edward breathed a sigh of relief, and went back to painting.

"Yo, Little Bro!" Emmett's voice rang out over the yard, with Jasper following behind him, Alice attached to his arm. Bella peeked around the side of the clubhouse and grinned, bounding over to Alice.

"What are you guys doing here? I thought Emmett had baseball?" Bella asked, taking Alice away from Jasper, who gave her a grateful smile. Everyone knew about Jasper's love for Alice, except Alice, but he continued to let her live in the dark. It was easier that way, because 13 year old relationships never lasted.

Emmett grinned, "Well, I did. But then Newton broke his big toe and the coach had to rush him to the emergency room." Jasper laughed, "Yeah, Emmett will probably be getting a major grounding as soon as his dad finds out it was Emmett that threw the ball 'accidentally' at Mike's foot." They laughed and high fived, both of them not real big fans of Mike Newton since he had the highest baseball score of the whole team, a title which, up until last year, belonged to Emmett.

Bella and Alice put their hands on their hips. "You mean you meant to throw the ball that way?" Alice asked, motherly disapproval coloring her tone. "Emmett James Cullen!" Which only made the boys laugh harder, and Edward to join in.

"So whatcha doing?" Alice asked, looking at the paint and the clubhouse. "Oh! You finally decided on what to do with the old playhouse?" Alice clapped her hands and grabbed the paintbrush out of Bella's hands. "You don't mind if I help, do you Bella?"

Bella just sighed, "Go ahead." There was a reason she had chosen a time when Emmett had a baseball practice, because Jasper always went to them, and Alice always tagged along. It was easier doing anything when Alice wasn't around to tell you how it had to be done.

But, now that she was here, it would make the painting job go by really fast. Alice was like a cannon bomb full of energy, and whenever she went off the world had to look out.

"We're painting the outside pink and orange, like paint splatters," Bella explained the pattern. "And I was thinking pink, yellow, and purple for the inside.

Jasper stuck out his tongue, "Yuck! What about us? None of us like those colors, do we?" Emmett agreed, but Edward shuffled from one foot to the other. "Edward? Why didn't you tell her that none of us would like those colors?"

Edward gulped, "Well, it's just me and you. Emmett's fifteen, so he probably won't even be in it much, except to hook up -"

"Which is so totally out of the question!" Bella interjected.

"- and you can handle a little pink and yellow, can't you?" Edward nodded towards Alice who was doing her pout-y, eye filled tear thing and Jasper sighed, rolled his eyes and grabbed a paintbrush.

"Yeah, okay. So, me and Alice on this side, and you and Edward can paint that side? Emmett can… paint whichever side he wants." He laughed and held up a paintbrush for Emmett.

Edward's eyes grew round as saucers, and he glanced over at Bella's still barely covered boobs, and shook his head. "No good, I think Bella and Alice should work together."

Jasper raised one eyebrow, but didn't say anything. "Okay… I guess that works since you know how it's to be done and all."

They all got to painting, but Emmett chose to go paint the inside, he said it let all his creative tendencies shine when he wasn't around other people. They found out later it's cause he wanted to paint the whole thing purple, and then in pink and yellow, he wrote a bunch of obscenities, complete with a great drawing of a penis and two boobs in one corner. Bella put the couch there.

That night they all ate at pizza at Bella's and watched gory horror movies. Then Emmett got bored and decided to tell his own horror stories. Which, admittedly, were fifteen times better than the movie storylines. But he still killed the blonde first.

*~*

Still holding the letter, I get up and walk to the phone. Without even looking my fingers dial Renee's number, and I sit with my back to the wall, tears still pooling in my eyes. "Mommy?" I say into the phone. She doesn't yet know that me and Edward separated. I don't know how to tell her, because she was so in love with my husband.

And I made him leave.

I don't want my mommy mad at me because I drove Edward away.

Renee's voice is frantic, as I know it will be. She doesn't respond well to tears, and always believes that the worst must have happened. "Bella, honey, what is it? Did something happen to Edward?"

It goes to show how little my parents still communicate, that Charlie didn't call and tell her as soon as I told him, but he probably didn't want to be the one to deal with the aftermath. Renee is very emotional.

"We separated, Mom. There was someone else." And then I wince because I just placed on blame on him, when really, it is mine. But Renee doesn't know what happened almost six months ago, and I still don't have the heart to tell her.

"WHAT?" she yells into the phone. "He cheated on you?" Yes, he technically did, but I still feel like a bitch letting the notion fester in Renee's head. "How could he? Bella… honey, are you okay?"

What a stupid question to ask. My husband just left me, and he's in love with his stupid secretary. How am I supposed to feel? But that's not how I answer. "I'm getting better, Mom. It happened like three weeks ago. I didn't know how to tell you."

"Oh Bella, I'm going to come and visit you." Renee's words offer me a modicum of hope, but I know that she can't come visit. There is no way because then I'd curl into her mothering embrace and never let her leave. And I'd spill the beans on what really made Edward leave. And no one but me, Edward, Alice, and Jasper know what actually happened that night. Not even Rose and Emmett know.

"No, mom, I'll be fine. I have Alice. I just wanted to let you know." I can feel an onslaught of tears coming on and the need to get off the phone fast overwhelms me. "Mom, I got to go. There's someone at the door. I'll call you soon." I don't even wait for an answer, I hang up and close my eyes.

Looking down at the letter, I smile, just a little, but the tears fall anyway. "I love you too, baby."

--

A/N: Okay, there you go. Not sure how I feel about this chapter. It's supposed to show how the passage of time is and isn't helping her. Let me know what you think =)


	5. Joshua and A Butterscotch Kiss

A/N: For all those you asked for Bella to have a love interest besides Mr. Sticks It Everywhere, here ya go! Yay! hahha.

Oh I added chapter titles :) I realized how much I hate plain old chapter 1, 2, etc. So I named 'em. What do you think?

--

The following week, as promised, I show up to Port Angeles with a smile on my face. Alice works in Port Angeles so the plan is to meet at her office, and then walk around the little town until her feet give out on her. Which takes forever to happen. Stupid high energy pixie.

So, I'm sitting in front of the medical office that Alice is a receptionist at, and watching the people walk by on the boardwalk. I feel a slight twinge whenever a couple passes by my line of sight, but I'm finding it easier. It's been a month now, as of two days ago. And I haven't died.

Just then, Alice comes out of the office carrying a large paper bag and her purse. When she hops in the bed of my truck, she has the largest grin on her face. It's the type of grin that scares the shit out of me. It's the grin that signals a sales at one Alice's many favourite stores.

"Which is it this time?" I say with a groan. Sales mean hell, and I'm wearing heels. Not a smart move on my part, but Edward bought them for me -… Maybe I shouldn't have worn them, after all.

"Retroville!" Oh my god. She doesn't even wear vintage clothing. She only wears vintage when it looks designer.

"You're pathetic," I tell her as I start the truck and head toward the restaurant we're eating at first. But Alice's voice has me changing directions.

"No, I ordered and brought lunch with us, we don't have time to sit down to eat. They've already been open for 7 hours!" Alice's eyes are frantic as I laugh and turn around. Should have known that actually sitting down to a meal with my best friend was out of the question. The girl is psychotic. "Maybe we can find you an outfit that matches those shoes better, Bella!"

I mockingly glared at her, of course she'd pick on my clothing choice. I thought I looked good in skinny jeans and black tank top with a green half cardigan over top. But then again, it was Alice. Anything that wasn't entirely perfect and matched to the letter was against the rules of nature.

At the store, Alice wanders off and does her own thing. She never expects me to follow her closely. As long as I am within earshot to ooh and aah over her clothing choices, she's happy. So I'm standing against the doors to the changing room when out walks this tall, handsome man with dark brown hair and chocolate eyes. He doesn't see me, and I'm too stuck by his gorgeousness to move out of the way in time.

So it comes as no surprise that he crashes into me and falls to the floor.

At my feet.

I almost swoon, he is that cute.

He looks up at me and grins, teeth showing. "So, I'm an idiot. But you're so pretty I fell for you." We both laughed at the lame pickup line. "Hi, I'm Joshua."

*~*

_Eleven years ago._

Edward and Bella were sitting in the clubhouse, back to back, and arms folded.

Edward was under the impression that Bella couldn't take a boy in an arm wrestling match. So when Bella won, he got mad and yelled at her for being such a butch lesbian. Thus making Bella yell right back at him, calling him a wimpy retard.

And so the name-calling went until Edward called Bella a horrible lying bitch and she huffed, crossed her arms, and sat down. When Edward sat down behind her, she let the tears fall. She didn't mean to call him all those names, but she had won and he wasn't being fair.

Bella hardly ever cried over Edward, they were too good of friends to make each other cry. But now, at fourteen, everything Edward did and said seemed to be getting under Bella's skin. It was two weeks until school ended for the year and Bella was anxious to get started, but she didn't want Edward around the whole time.

Sure, they did everything together, but Bella had finally developed breasts, and she wanted to go around in her bikini top. It was awkward with Edward and Jasper there because all they did was stare at her and Alice. And Alice had finally started seeing Mike Newton, this guy in the same grade, that she liked. So having the two around was really cramping their style.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward finally said, after thirteen minutes and twenty-three seconds of silence. Bella had timed him, because she knew she wasn't going to say sorry, so it was up to him. "I shouldn't have called you a butch lesbian."

"Or a rotten winner."

"Or a stuck up slob with stupid nail polish."

"Or a bitch."

Edward stood up and walked around so that he was facing her. "Or a bitch," he agreed. He smiled at her and then it broke into a grin, "But I still think you cheated!" Edward wouldn't tell her this, but the only reason she had lost was that he had gotten distracted when she leaned forward and he could see down her top. But, it wasn't like he had looked. Much.

After all, he was a fourteen year old boy, and his best friend was insanely hot.

"You're forgiven," Bella said, then mock-glared at him, "And I did not cheat!" Bella stood up and stretched, her arms going above her head.

It pissed Edward off, because without realizing it she was giving him an erection, and he hated that he couldn't control them around her. But damn, did she have to stretch so much? It was horribly distracting!

She walked over to the 'window', which was really just a hole in the wood with tarp over top that could be nailed down in the winter and left to flap in the summer. It was Charlie's cheap idea. But Bella kind of loved the sound of the tarp flapping in the breeze. It relaxed her when school was bugging her out. She looked over to the Cullen house and noticed a light on that hadn't been there an hour ago.

"Hey, when did you mom and dad get home?" Bella asked, not bothering to turn around and look at Edward.

He came to stand beside her, looking across the lawn at the house. "No idea. Think she brought home some ice cream or pie tonight?" Esme Cullen worked in a bakery, where she created the best desserts ever made. And she brought home a special treat to her boys once a week.

Bella shrugged, and Edward left, running over to his house. Bella watched him run across the lawn and then into the back door. Not two minutes later he was running back, a pie, two plates, and utensils in his hands.

When he got back into the clubhouse he was out of breathe, but grinning. "Butterscotch cream pie, anyone?" He laid the pie down on the table and proceeded to cut two huge slices out of it, and then give a plate to Bella, who took it and curled up on the couch in the corner.

Edward joined her, sitting rather close, and the two took a few bites in silence.

"So… did you study for Madame Rafuse's French test yet? Emmett told me it was really hard."

Bella giggled, "That's cause Emmett is stupid, Eddie."

Edward laughed, "He's not stupid. He's homeworkly challenged. And don't call me Eddie." He brandished his spoon as a weapon and grinned at her. "Or else."

Bella could never resist a challenge, so she raised her eyebrow, grinned at him, and then said, "Eddie. Eddie. Eddie!" She smiled innocently at him and batted her eyelashes, "Oh Ed-die."

"That's it! Time for the consequences." And he grabbed a forkful of pie and let it fly. Right into her face. Bella's eyes grew wide and her mouth opened in a big 'O'. Then she cocked and loaded, and let her own forkful of pie fly at him. Right into his hair.

Bella let out a nervous giggle when Edward's muscles started twitching, but it was too late. War was declared. He grabbed a whole handful and smashed it right into her hair, smooshing it around a lot. Bella grabbed a handful and rubbed it into his tee shirt.

They were both laughing as they finished with their slices, completely covered in it, then looked over at the remaining pie. They dived for it at the same time, and ended up crashing it to the floor, rolling around in butterscotch cream pie, their clothes, hair, and skin sticking to them.

When they stopped because they were laughing to hard, Edward was leaning over Bella on the floor, and his face was only mere inches from hers. Both seemed to realize the change in position, and their laughter died quite quickly.

Bella gulped, and licked her lips, which had butterscotch cream pie on them. Edward's eyes caught the movement, and his whole body froze.

His eyes travelled back up her face until they met hers, and he inhaled sharply, before doing the unthinkable.

He leaned down.

His face stopped a hairsbreadth from hers and he hesitated. But Bella barely had time to think before she was leaning up to his, and their lips met in an awkward, first time, butterscotch-y kiss.

Their friendship had changed forever, and suddenly Bella wasn't quite so uncomfortable with him being around that summer and seeing her in a bikini top.

Actually, she was kind of looking forward to it.

*~*

"I'm uh… Bella. Bella Swan." I reach my hand down and grasp his, helping him to his feet. Then we both lean down to grab the clothing that he was trying on.

"Ahem." Oh, yeah, Alice. I turn around and she is standing there in the cutest leopard print leggings and vintage rocker tee that is hanging off one shoulder. I have to hand it to her, even in a vintage clothing store she can find stuff that looks designer. "What do you think?"

Before I can answer, Joshua does, "I think it's very very flattering." I nod my head, agreeing with this gorgeous stranger. Alice likes his answer, apparently, because she turns around to go back into the dressing room and reemerges two seconds later holding her old clothes and the discards.

Joshua and I walk slowly toward the checkout counter, smiling at each other kind of shyly. "So what do you do, Bella Swan?"

"I'm in retail. Art gallery." I've piqued his interest at his, because he stands up a little straighter and gets a thoughtful look on his face.

"Oh? Do any artwork yourself?" he asks conversationally.

"Photography. But I don't sell it. I'm not that good." I'm being modest. My pictures could go for large prices if I ever decided to sell. But I like taking pictures for the fun of it, and not as a job. Working at the gallery allows me to have both.

"Ah," he seems almost disappointed by my answer, and I can't figure out why. But he doesn't seem like a crazy person, so that's a good sign.

"What about you?"

"I run a coffee bar up the street. Expresso Pump, it's the best coffee in town."

I smile at him, already knowing that, since me and Alice have been drinking coffee there since we were sixteen. "I'll have to try it out sometime."

He nods, pleased by my response. "Come with me. We've got a great band playing there on Friday night, and I personally know the owner so I can get us in for free." He winks and I grin, nodding my head.

We exchange phone numbers and then Alice is back, holding her old clothes in her shopping bag, and looking fierce in her new outfit. "Are you ready to go, Bella?" She's looking at Joshua with serious interest in her face. Jasper also works in Port Angeles, so usually they ride together, but today I'll be driving her home. I can already imagine the amount of boy talk that will fill the silence in my truck.

But I'm excited as well, because for the first time in a month, I feel like it is possible to live in a world in which Edward isn't there.

--

A/N: So what's our opinions on Joshua, folks? Leave me a review letting me know.

Oh and preview spoiler for chapter six: Bella is starting to get horny! :D

And seriously, check out **cplust**'s story _Songs To Live And Die By_. Cause there's this crazy group of psycho killers after the gang. And it's freaking cool :) Love ya, bitch!

(PS: Cookies to anyone who can spot the Buffy reference in this chapter!)


	6. Some Lovin' and First Dates

A/N: So I went over all the past stuff, and I was kind of confused at dates and shit that I had written hahah. So I did a slight timeline of both past and present. But the present, turns out, was fairly straight forward. But if you were confused about any ages or dates up until this point (in the past sections), here they are:

**Chapter 1: **Four hours before he leaves.

**Chapter 2: **End of April - Bella 12, Edward 12.

**Chapter 3: **End of April - Bella 12, Edward 12. Grade 6.

**Chapter 4: **Summertime - Bella 12, Edward 13. Summer between Grades 7 and 8.

**Chapter 5: **Two weeks until end of Grade 8 - Bella 13, Edward will be turning 14 in like a week.

**Chapter 6: **March 18, 1999 (Grade 9) - Edward 14, Bella 14.

Oh, and their birthdays are mentioned. Bella's is Sept 13th, and Edward's is June 20th, like in the books.

Now, on to your regularly scheduled story :D.

--

It has been two months since that day in Retroville that I met Joshua. We talk every couple of nights on the phone, and meet for lunch whenever our schedules allow us. It's so weird to me, I've never had to really date a guy. Edward and I dated, but that was in high school. Dating then and dating at twenty-five are entirely different situations I am finding.

But I am also finding I thoroughly enjoy it.

Joshua is charming, patient, and doesn't take my bullshit. Whenever something happens to remind me of Edward, he'll do the corniest things and my attention will be solely focused on him again.

It's strange. I should be crying over Edward, you don't get over a thirteen year relationship in three months.

But Joshua is making it so difficult, I can go days without missing Edward at all.

Sure, I miss lots of things with Edward that I'm finding I don't have with Joshua. Edward knows everything there is to know about me, because he was there. Joshua wasn't, and that can be a downer when I have to explain something that Edward would have gotten right away and laughed loudly at.

But Edward is gone, and he's happily fucking Kate. Or Leah. Or whomever else his roaming penis manages to stick.

So I'm happy too.

But I'm horny. Good god, I'm horny.

Joshua and I made a deal in the beginning of our relationship that we wouldn't have sex until he was absolutely convinced I was over my ex-husband. And so far, I guess I haven't convinced him. Not for lack of trying. Cause my vibrator is so not cutting it. And Joshua is too good a kisser for his own good, all I can do is fantasize about what other tricks he has.

And I fantasize. A lot.

That I am fantasizing about another man but Edward is kind of a happy break for me. Although, he is the only example I have to think about. So my fantasies are almost a mix of the two of them.

God, I'm so fucked up.

But not in the way I really want to be.

*~*

_Ten years ago._

Almost an entire year after the kiss in the clubhouse, Edward finally got up the nerve to ask Bella on a date.

At first, he was waiting for the best moment to discuss what had happened, and why it hadn't happened since.

Then, he was trying to find the right words to express his feelings for her.

Then she got a boyfriend, and it was too late. He hated Ben Cheney more than life itself, because he got to kiss Bella on a regular basis while Edward only had the one memory of their amazing kiss, covered in butterscotch, where she smelled so good.

At fourteen and three quarters, it was enough to keep him going in fantasies. Well, that and Emmett's huge collection of porn, which he had unlimited access to.

But now, Ben and Bella had been broken up for two months and Bella hadn't started seeing anyone else. So Edward was going to suck it up and be a man.

And he did. On March 18, 1999, Edward finally sucked it up, grew some balls, bit the big one, and asked Bella out on a date.

She actually squealed. Then she hit him in the chest.

"Why the hell do you think I paraded myself around half naked whenever I seen you last year? I've been waiting forever for you to ask me out!" She was grinning as she said it, so Edward wasn't too worried. Besides, she had squealed.

"Well… I was waiting, for the uh… opportune moment?" He glanced down sheepishly, and gave a nervous laugh. All it did was make Bella break out into loud guffaws.

"Opportune... You were… waiting…" Bella got out in between laughs, clutching her belly. When they died down enough that she could get out an actual sentence, she smirked at him. "Honestly, after three years of continuous flirting, did you think I would say no?"

Edward gave a small smile, "Well… I wasn't sure."

Bella giggled once more, and then hugged him, "Stupid boy, I'd never say no to you." When she pulled back, he had a big grin on his face. Then she leaned up on her tip toes and lightly kissed his lips.

His hands travelled down to her lower back. He hadn't kissed anyone since that night in the clubhouse, but he had watched enough romance movies with Alice that he got the logistics. And by the moan that escaped Bella's lips, he got them very well.

"Well, well."

They broke apart to see Jasper and Alice standing there with identical smirks. Then Alice giggled, "Bout time! Jasper pay up."

Edward raised an eyebrow, "What did you guys bet on?"

Jasper answered as he was pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. He handed Alice a twenty. "Well, how long it would take you guys to get together. Alice said before the end of grade nine, and I said probably not until hell freezes over. Turns out Alice had more faith in you than I did." He grinned, and Edward gave him the finger.

"So, when's the big day?" Alice asked, and Bella looked up at Edward with a question in her eyes.

He shifted uncomfortably, "Umm… how about Friday?"

--

On Friday, Bella was freaking out. She had absolutely nothing to wear, and Alice couldn't come help her get ready because she had a doctor's appointment with Edward's dad. They had begged Carlisle to change it, but he insisted that Bella could do this on her own. It was just a date.

Right now, Bella could kill Carlisle Cullen with a sledgehammer.

Edward had Jasper to help him get ready, but she was stuck standing in front of her closet, throwing everything out and praying to god something would appear.

It wasn't like she didn't know what she wanted. She did. But the problem was, Miss Alice Brandon currently had the red v neck sweater and cute black dress pants that Bella needed. Nothing else made her the red highlights in her hair shine like that sweater did!

She tried texting Alice, but she received a text back from Carlisle saying that Alice was too busy to even text her. It was a check-up after all, and Alice was in a hospital.

A sledgehammer and a screwdriver. Through the nose.

So, after stomping her feet twenty-seven times, screaming loudly, cursing everyone she knew under the sun, and begging Charlie to take her shopping, which he flatly refused to do, she was dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans with strategic rips, that she had spent almost two hours doing, and a green blouse. She wasn't happy about the green blouse, but it was still low cut enough to give Edward a show, and modest enough that Charlie wouldn't kill her as she walked down the stairs.

Finishing the look with some light mascara and eyeliner to match her shirt, Bella waited.

And waited.

And then waited another thirty minutes.

Then she heard a knock on the door, and Charlie's voice yelling at the kid that he was forty-five minutes late and his daughter wasn't just going to sit around and wait for some punk to take her out when he didn't even care enough to call or text. Which made her happy, cause Charlie yelling was the scariest thing in the world.

She chose that moment - because Edward was attempting to stutter a reply - to walk down the stairs. Edward stopped attempting to talk and looked up at her with a soft smile on his face. "Hey, Bella. Sorry."

Bella grinned, "What kept you?" Charlie looked like he wanted to interject some more yelling, but she held up her hand. She knew what it was like to be late for dates, she had ran behind to a few of them with Ben.

Edward shrugged, a blush coloring his cheeks, "Umm… couldn't decide what to wear." Bella raised one eyebrow, and then broke out in giggles. "What? It's not funny, I really had nothing to wear. I had to wait for Mom to finish the laundry!"

Charlie rolled his eyes, muttering, "You still couldn't have called?" and walked back into the living room. She was grateful for the privacy, because she was dying to kiss Edward.

The wait had been worth it, his hair was expertly tousled, meaning Jasper did that, he picked up enough tips from Alice to gay up any straight man, and he was dressed in a black button down, white tee shirt, and black jeans. "It's okay, Edward, you look gorgeous," Bella muttered as she pulled back from his lips.

He smiled, returned the compliment, and then led the way out to where Emmett was waiting with the car. He flashed them a wink and tipped his hat. "Where to, Miss?"

--

Edward had chosen the nicest restaurant in town for them to eat at, a little café on the main drag that had candles in the window so it looked classier than the diner.

"So, then, Jasper walks into the bat that Emmett is obviously holding up, smashes his nose and says, 'Emmetth, I ith going to kill you,' and takes the worst swing of his life! He actually swung so hard that he spun around in a circle and landed back on Emmett's bat, hitting his forehead!" Edward and Bella broke out into laughs, as Edward recalled what had happened at the practice the day before.

Bella took a bite of her mushroom ravioli when her laughter died down to small hiccups, and grinned. "God, I wish I had've been there for that one," she said, around her food. "What did Alice do?" She was actually surprised that Alice hadn't texted her as soon as it happened, she was usually bursting with gossip.

"Oh, Alice missed the whole thing. Newton needed to talk to her. I think he's trying to get back together with her." Edward shrugged, placing a forkful of potatoes in his mouth.

"What? Back together? No way." Bella shook her head. "There's no way, he just broke up with her two weeks ago!"

Edward nodded, "Nope. Believe it. I heard him talking about it in the locker room after practice."

Bella's eyes grew wide, and she giggled, "Think that Jasper will ever get the balls to ask her out?" Edward's eyes flashed to hers and he grinned, catching on to what she was saying.

"What's the wager?"

"Twenty bucks says it happens senior year."

"Nah, not money. I want something better." Bella's eyebrows shot into her forehead and she got a panicked look on her face. "Not sex!" Edward practically screamed, and Bella relaxed, though looked at him mock-offended. "Not that I wouldn't, I'm just not ready." She nodded her agreement. "What I want is something entirely different."

Bella looked at him intrigued, "Okay, not money. What could you possible want of mine that's better than money?"

"Your diary." Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head violently. Every one of her friends knew that she wrote in her diary religiously, about _all_ _of them_. If any of them got their hands on it… she shuddered. "Nope, that's the bet. I get your diary if it happens before senior year. You get my sketchpad if it happens senior year."

This, Bella actually considered. She had wanted to look at his sketchpad for almost two years, but he didn't let anyone, not even Jasper or Emmett, look at it. It was like his diary, but in picture form. Hmm…

"Deal."

*~*

Joshua shows up at my house that night for supper. It is a weekly ritual we started in the first month of us dating. Alice had spilled the beans about my culinary capabilities and talked me up enough that he had to try. So now, every Thursday, Joshua comes over with a couple movies, and we watch them and cuddle on the couch.

Only today, something seems different.

Perhaps it is the oysters I prepared for supper.

Perhaps it is the two movies he chose to watch this week, Cruel Intentions and Closer, my two personal favourites.

Or perhaps, it is the way my fingers accidentally brush him as I try and get comfortable.

Whatever the reason, the air is charged, my skin is on fire, and my breathing is slightly laboured as I look up into Joshua's eyes.

His eyes darken to an even richer brown and his lids get heavier as he looks down at me.

And I know, I've finally convinced him.

I don't even wait for him to come to me, I lift my head up and press my lips against his, my tongue tracing them, begging for entry. When he opens up, I push my tongue into his mouth at the same time I move so I'm straddling his lap. He moans and I grin against his lips.

Our hands aren't idle, pulling at each other's clothing and trying to keep kissing as we yank shirts over each other's heads. He stands up, still holding me at his waist, when we're both shirtless and starts walking towards my bedroom, smashing against the wall and pushing himself further into me. I moan, and hold his face tighter, my lips rushed and desperate on his.

We make it to my bed and he falls forward so that I'm pinned underneath him.

It never even occurs to me that this is mine and Edward's bed.

--

A/N: OHNO! Sexy situations! Hahah. Well, you asked for it, and there you have it.

Now I have a question for you. Me and cplust remembered the name Joshua from somewhere in BD, but we couldn't remember exactly who he was. I only picked him because he was obscure and therefore, not overused. Or ever used.

But if anyone can tell me who he actually was in the book, and where he appears, it'd be greatly appreciated! Cause we've looked and can't find him :D

Oh, and to someone who just reviewed my last chapter, i luv twilight, I can't tell you what happens 5 months ago! That would give away the ending :P

And the answer was: the Expresso Pump. It was used in Buffy constantly. :) Cookies to cplust and Dramione Cullen!

Wow. that was a long A/N. hahah.

Leave me some love!


	7. Boardwalk Runin and A Declaration

A/N: Here's chapter 7 folks!

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, story alerted, whatever this story. It's so awesome, cause this is my first attempt at a Twilight fic and I never thought I'd get the response I did. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

In this chapter, Bella and Edward see each other for the first time since he left!! Should be drama filled!

--

Joshua and I are strolling down the boardwalk in Port Angeles, a month after that night. It's such a beautiful day, the waves are soft in the water, the sun is shining, and people are laughing with lovers and friends. I snuggle up closer to Joshua's side, and he glances down long enough to plant a small kiss on top of my head.

"Holy shit."

I freeze. I don't plan to turn around, but Joshua is tugging on my arm, spinning us around to face whomever decided to get rude with us. I don't need to turn around. I'd know the sound of my brother-in-law's voice anywhere.

"Who the hell do you-," I cut Joshua off mid-tirade with a small hand to his chest. My eyes do a quick scan of the boardwalk around Emmett and breath a sigh of relief when I come up empty.

"He's here. He's getting an ice cream cone from that guy over there." Emmett's thumb cocks back the way he'd come, and he's right. Edward is standing there, his back to me, hair shining almost red in the sunlight.

That's always been one of my top three favourite colors in the world, right alongside the green of his eyes and the light pink of his lips.

Joshua is confused, and glances from me to Emmett, then to the back of the man getting ice cream twenty-five yards away. Honestly, I don't even feel like explaining, I think it is fairly obvious, but I do anyway. "Joshua, this is Emmett." I look up him, apologetically, "My brother-in-law."

Joshua's face twists into a grimace and he glares slightly at Emmett, as if it's Emmett's fault that we happened to be walking the boardwalk at the exact same time. "You mean, your ex-brother-in-law," he adds, almost snidely. I don't like that, I don't want him to be mean to Emmett. He didn't break us up, and jealousy is never attractive.

Well… unless it's on an ex who spent the last portion of your marriage cheating on you.

With that, I glance over towards Edward, just paying and turning around. He freezes, and his eyes get extremely wide. It's almost comical to see how much he so obviously doesn't want to walk over here. But slowly, his feet start moving, and with every step he takes, the more I layer it on.

First I press myself even closer to Joshua. Then I smile brightly up at him, running my hand down his cheek, and telling him to play nice with Emmett. At this point, Emmett starts laughing his ass off, as I'm sure I look absolutely ridiculous attempting to be coy so as to piss off my ex-husband.

Either way, Joshua and Edward don't seem to know the difference.

And hell, I could never have planned what happened next if I had time to stage the whole thing.

Because just as Edward reaches us, Joshua leans down, stops just before my lips, and whispers, "Sorry, baby," before he kisses me. Nice and slow. Sensual.

It is fucking brilliant!

When we pull apart, I lick my lips, and make a tiny mmm-ing sound. Out of the corner of my eye, I look at Edward, and he's standing there with his cone dripping to the ground, eyes very wide, completely frozen.

But the one thing I don't expect: hurt. His eyes are hurt.

Honestly, I should be angry that he could even think to be hurt after cheating on me at least twice, but I'm not. I'm only guilty. But I quickly shake it off, put my cocky ex-wife mask back up and smirk at him, eyebrow raised.

Two can play that game, mister, and you started it.

He just smiles at me, almost sadly, and it confuses me. What would he have to be sad for? He left me. I didn't ask to be cheated on. Sure, I had screwed up first, but no one deserves to be cheated on.

"How have you been, Bella?" he asks me, politely, if a little rigidly.

Joshua's grip gets a little tighter as soon as the words leave Edward's mouth. I am torn between comforting my ex-husband, and trying to make him feel a little less of the pain I feel, and attempting to make him rue the day he ever left Bella Cul-er, Swan.

Joshua answers for me, "Well, she's been great. No thanks to you. We're actually out on a date right now, so if you'll excuse us." The minute he goes to tug on my arm, my eyes flare, but he doesn't see. Edward and Emmett both get wide eyes and almost identical scared-yet-amused looks on their faces. I hate being ordered around more than anything else in this world, and despite it being awkward with Edward, I still haven't caught up in the world of Emmett and Rosalie. I love Emmett as if he is my own brother, and Rosalie was my best friend in college, yet the seperation had drawn a line down the middle of our friendship.

I am not quite ready to leave.

But he's tugging even more, now, trying to get my feet to move without looking conspicuous.

Edward is looking at me, curious as to what I'm going to do. The one and only time he attempted to make me leave somewhere before I was ready, I yelled his ear off in the middle of the store.

They haven't let me back in since. Shame, really, that store had nice clothes.

But, with Joshua it's different. I do not want to cause a scene here in the middle of the boardwalk, fodder for Edward to take home, so instead, very politely, I say, "Joshua, I'm not ready to leave just yet. Give me a minute." And he stops. He actually stops. Edward's eyes gape out of his head, but Joshua wraps his arm around me and smiles down, placing a kiss on my forehead.

Looking over at Emmett, I smile, "So how's life? Rosalie knocked up yet?" He grins, and Joshua chokes. He has yet to meet any of my friends, except for that one day with Alice when we first met, so he doesn't yet know of how we communicate. I mentally planned a meal at my apartment two days from now, Jasper and Alice being the guests of honour.

"No, not yet. But I'm still working hard on her." Joshua's eyes bug at this, but he doesn't say anything. Emmett gestures towards his brother, who is absently licking his ice cream cone, most of it melting down his hand rather than into his mouth. "It would be so much easier if I didn't have this mooch on my living room couch every night."

And there it was. The answer I had been looking for.

*~*

_Nine years ago._

One year, five months, and twenty-six days since March 18, 1999, or the day that Bella happily referred to as the day her whole life turned upside down, inside out, and changed for the better.

But life wasn't going so well for her and Edward right now.

Because Edward was too busy driving all over town, drinking, and hanging with the baseball team to notice that his girlfriend was lonely and needed some love.

Seriously. She was going through love withdrawals.

It wasn't that he completely ignored her. He noticed her at school, and at his games, those times when his buddies were around so he had to show off his uber hot girlfriend so they were all jealous.

But it was pissing her the hell off! Alice and Jasper had only been dating for three months and already she was getting showered with more presents than Bella had gotten in the entire time she had been dating Edward.

Not that she wanted presents.

It was the principle of the thing, really.

So that was why, one lonely September afternoon, Bella's sixteenth birthday to be exact, Bella was walking along the rainy roads of Forks, Washington, soaked to the bone, and crying her eyes out.

He didn't even bother to show up today.

She was sure that today was the day he would remember her existence, but ever since the beginning of the summer when he had joined the varsity baseball team with Emmett, he had just plain forgotten her. And it wasn't just her either. Jasper hadn't made the varsity team, and Bella was pretty sure that Edward's favourite cousin hadn't seem him, outside of school, since August.

On her way home, Bella passed by the old cemetery. There was three cars parked out front of it, and one of them looked suspiciously like a silver Volvo that Edward had received for his sixteenth birthday four months beforehand. Wiping the tears out of her eyes, which was rather pointless with the sheets of rain pouring down, Bella trooped off into the cemetery, alone.

After walking through the slushy mud for five minutes, she finally distinguished voices coming from the farthest corner, where a large, mangled tree offered shelter from the pouring rain.

And sure enough, Edward was amongst the six boys, she would recognize that auburn hair anywhere.

They hadn't seen her yet, since she was still quite a ways away, and half-hidden behind a tombstone. But the closer she got, the slower her feet seemed to want to carry her, and the more her nose protested.

Because rising faintly through the smell of the rain, was a second smell that she absolutely hated.

Marijuana.

Her world almost shattered in that instant. If Edward was addicted to that crap, he'd be lost to her, and he would be replaced with Stoner Edward - a funny loving, dirty kid in the back of the school that laughed a lot and always had red-rimmed eyes.

Not the most attractive she could picture Edward.

Bella choked a little as more tears started to flow, but instead of walking all the way up there and yelling at him, she turned around and made her way back to the gate. There she collapsed, leaning against the iron and sobbing into her hands. He had really chosen to get high on her sixteenth birthday, rather than hang out with her. Or even given her a slight indication that he even remembered.

Twenty minutes later, she was still standing there when booming voices could be heard cresting over the hill behind her. She didn't have a car yet, and there wasn't really anywhere to hide, so she hiccupped, wiped her face, knowing there would be mascara tracks but not caring, and folded her arms around herself. Time to face the music.

"Edward," she said, her voice coming out strong, despite the slight tears left in it. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

This caused every single one of the boys to laugh and pat Edward on the back of the head. "Yeah, Eddie, what are you doing? Momma wants to know," Emmett said, snickering in Bella's direction.

She ignored them, focusing solely on the boy who was currently breaking her heart. And from the looks of his eyes, currently ruining a few of his own organs. "Edward? Do you even know what today is?"

He stood there confused, his laughter trickling down to a slight chuckle, and then stopped altogether. "September 13th…," his voice trailed off, as he stared up at Bella with wide eyes. The affect was comically stupid, he looked more strung out than Emmett did. "It's your birthday." All the boys ooh'd and told him he was in trouble before jumping in their cars and getting the hell out of there, until the only two left were Bella and Edward.

Bella glared at him, hard, and wiped a sniffle with the back of her shirt. "Yeah, my sixteenth birthday. Are you proud of yourself? Did your little excursion into marijuana make you all cool and part of the crowd?"

Edward was having a hard time focusing, his brain was addled by all the drugs, and his whole body was shivering from the cold. But he had fucked up. Big time. "Bells-look, I'm so sorry-."

Bella cut him off, "Save it. I don't want your stupid verbal apologies. It's my birthday and I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of it." She walked up to him and poked him in the chest. "You, on the other hand, are going to go home and pretend like I don't exist until you're completely drug-free. Then, and only then, will I even think of forgiving you." She turned and started to walk away, his voice stopping her.

"We live next door to each other. Let me give you a ride, Bella, it's freezing." But she just stuck her nose up higher and kept walking.

--

Two days later she regretted it, as she was sick in bed with a cold.

Edward walked into her room with a bowl of soup and some of his mother's apple pie. "Hey, can I come in?"

She looked at him and nodded, too sick to be angry. "You're already in, might as well sit down." He smiled and sat on the bed beside her.

"I'm really sorry, Bells. I never realized that I was ignoring you." He looked down sheepishly, regret tingeing his face. When Bella reached out and intertwined their hands, he grabbed on tightly, a small smile playing about his lips. "I talked to Jasper."

Bella scoffed, "I'm sure he was surprised."

Edward nodded, too angry with himself to even be offended. "He told me what an ass I've been." Edward looked up to her, tears beading in his lashes, "I could've lost you, Bells, and I can't live without you."

Bella's eyes grew wide, they had never said the magic words before, and he was coming awfully close. "Why not? I'm just a girl, Edward."

He shook his head, "No, you're so much more than that. You're my best friend, Bella." He leaned forward so that his head was rested atop hers, and sighed, "I love you, baby."

She smiled brightly up at him, "I love you, too." He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to her lips. "If you keep that up, you'll be in this bed with me."

Edward smirked, "Well, then, better use more tongue." He waggled his eyebrows, but sat up. A serious look fell over his face, "Bella, I swear to god, never again. I love you too much to lose you over something as idiotic as drugs." Cupping the side of her face, he stared deep into her eyes, "I promise you, baby."

She smiled softly at him, "And I promise you. No drugs. Ever."

*~*

So if Edward is sleeping on Emmett's couch, then where exactly is Kate? I wish so hard for Joshua and Edward to disappear for a moment so that I can talk to Emmett privately. But Joshua is firmly attached to my arm, and I'm pretty sure it's going to take a crowbar to set him free. And Edward looks as if he wants to kill Emmett for spilling a dirty little secret.

As it turns out, however, Emmett's word vomit is in full force today and he spills the rest of Edward's dirty little secret without outside prompting from me. "I mean, it'd be better if he was still screwing his secretary, or even Leah, but he dropped them shortly after you two broke up. And now he's all emo, just moping around and eating a lot." Emmett laughs at his little brother, totally missing the way my eyes shoot into my head at his words.

I look at Edward and my voice cracks a little as I speak, "So, you're not seeing anyone? At all?" It surprises me more than I care to admit. I figured he was in love with Kate. The way he talked about her, I thought she was the second… well, me.

Apparently, I was very wrong.

Joshua's eyes dart to my face, and he's got an offended look on his. I don't mean to offend him, but I'm just so shocked by Edward that the whole thing is making me have worse word vomit than Emmett.

"No, I'm not seeing anyone," Edward answers, his eyes casting downwards to look at our still clasped hands. I have the sudden urge to tear my fingers from Joshua's grasp, but I remain still. Me and Joshua are great, whereas, Edward cheated on me. Even if I did break his trust first.

I must look as if I'm about to cry, because what me and Joshua did flashes through my mind. It's not like that is the only time it happened either. No, it's been happening at least three times a week since then, sometimes more depending on whether we had to work the next day.

But me and Edward are separated. I just had to keep remembering that. Separated.

I go to open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. I hardly expect it too. My brain can't fully comprehend everything, so this time, when Joshua says our goodbyes and tugs me along, I let him. I need to be away from Edward to think it all through.

Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't lying that night. Maybe he does miss me?

--

A/N: So what do you think? Did I do their meeting justice? And the reason that Edward was the 'bad' guy in the past is to set us up for the ending!! Spoiler alerts! HAHAH.

Leave me some love!

Comment question of the day: When Emmett finds out that Edward and Rosalie did the nasty, what should be his response? Cause I still want them to be together. So shoot me some ideas!


	8. Two Broken Hearts and Driving Stick

A/N: So this one is a little later than I usually post, but I was betaing two chapters for cplust (go check 'em out!) and I worked today. So ... whatever. :P

Okay, a lot of you have been asking me for an EPOV, which is fine and all, but I'm not going to be writing one. For two reasons: 1) I'm not that good at them :P and 2) This story is about Bella coming to terms with what she did, what he did, and learning to live by herself. Without him. Maybe I'll write a couple of Edward outtakes later on, like just a couple scenes that coulda potentially been in the story, or even from his point of view (such as the break-up, moving in with Emmett, and realizing that he still loved Bella after seeing her with Joshua) but for now... who knows. We'll see how I'm feeling when I get to the end of this story.

Kay?

On to what I hope is a very emotional chapter!

--

It's later that day, and me and Joshua have just gotten to my apartment building. Today, seeing Edward again, I am left confused. I can't seem to straighten any thought in my head out, but all of it seems to point right into Edward's green eyes, so full of sadness.

How can he even think it's okay to be sad?

He left me, and made it perfectly clear over the last five months spent together that he is fine with the idea of us not being together anymore. He is more than fine, really, it is exactly what he wanted.

Isn't it?

But today, looking into his eyes as he looked at our clasped hands, it is definitely not what he wanted. God, I'm just so confused. Does he love me? Does he hate me? Does he want to be with me?

As Joshua turns the key in the lock and opens up my apartment door, I glance up at him. And my heart constricts, because for the first time in our relationship, I'm not so sure anymore.

Maybe the question isn't does Edward want to be with me.

Maybe the question is, do I want to be without him? Can I be with Joshua? Is this even fair to him?

He smiles down at me and holds the door open, gesturing for me to walk ahead of him. I smile back, tight and full of force, and walk in as well. My eyes feel heavy, and tears sting the back of them. His soft voice breaks my heart from behind me, his hands reverent on my shoulders, rubbing up and down, trying to soothe me. "Are you okay, Bells?"

And then I just break, because Bells is the nickname that Edward always called me. Sure, everyone else calls me that too, but Edward started it. And this isn't fair. To either of us.

He turns me around quickly, and pulls me into his arms, tight and comforting. But to me, I feel restricted, confined, and my heart breaks even more. I'm going to hurt him. I can see that. He is starting to get feelings for me, and I'm throwing them out. Disregarding them because of one conversation with my ex-husband. Half a conversation.

But I found out what I needed. Edward doesn't love anyone else. Hell, he may not love me, but the chance of us being back together is the only thing I can understand in the tangled mess of my brain. Whether or not it ever happens, I can't be with someone until I can be with me. And Joshua is way too nice to me to be my rebound, second burner guy.

So, I pull back.

Step out of the warm embrace of his arms.

And wipe my tears.

Smiling sadly, I look up into his warm, chocolate eyes, so full of concern and adoration for me. The fact that love is in there doesn't escape me, it just makes what I have to do that much easier. I can't love him back, and he deserves better.

"Joshua, we need to talk."

*~*

_Eight years ago._

Bella was laughing as she sat behind the wheel of her new truck. Well, that's a lie, it's quite an old truck, really. But it's hers and she loved it more than anything in the world.

Except, perhaps, the boy sitting in the passenger seat currently explaining the mechanics of standards vs. automatics.

Bella had learned to drive using Edward's Volvo, but her big, old truck was a stick shift. And it was driving her fucking nuts. Because no matter how much Edward explained exactly how to switch gears, and when the best time was, she was just as confused as she was at the beginning.

"Edward," Bella started, Edward sighing at her, "I don't get it."

He threw his arms up and glared at her. "Bells, honey, I've explained it like twenty times." Bella just pouted, and he good naturedly rolled his eyes. "Fine. Obviously, telling you isn't getting through that pretty thick skull of yours-"

"Hey!"

"-So instead, I'm going to show you." With that he got out of the truck and quickly walked around to her side, opening the door. Bella went to slide over to his abandoned side, but his hand on her arm stopped her. "Just stand up for a second, Bells."

She did as instructed, curious as to what his plan was. He slid in behind her and pulled her back so she was nestled on his lap. When she wiggled to get comfortable, Edward groaned and hit her playfully, "Look, this is only going to work if you keep your ass still. Otherwise we're going to crash into that tree over there." She smirked, wiggled one more time, then fell still.

They were two miles outside of town, in an old grocery store parking lot that had been closed down for two years now. Edward said it was the perfect choice for two reasons, one, no one was around for Bella to accidentally kill, and two, Charlie didn't have to give his own daughter a ticket. Or arrest her for murder. Cause he'd just have to pay that shit himself.

"Okay, Mr. Cullen. Teach me." Bella swung her head around and winked at him. He rolled his eyes, ignoring her jibes and grabbed her hand.

"First off. Do you know all the parts?"

She glared at him and nodded. And he proceeded to explain the mechanics of a stick shift, but this time, she did the actions hand over hand style, with his hand resting on top of hers as he taught her how to switch gears. Edward worked the pedals, and she kept her feet tucked into the door. It was slightly uncomfortable, but Edward was thoroughly enjoying the way she was sitting.

After all, he was seventeen as of two weeks ago.

And they hadn't had sex yet. Bella's choice, not his. But he respected it, cause he loved her. But goddamn, when she wiggled like that…

It took them three hours of slow driving, slower instructions, and Edward's entire lower half falling asleep, but finally, he was able to slide back over onto his side, and she drove them to the diner where Jasper and Alice were supposed to meet them for supper in twenty minutes.

Bella had never been more proud of herself.

Or horny.

She had told Edward that she wanted to wait until she was perfectly ready, and that was true, but the problem was: she was perfectly ready. Like really ready. And she had no idea how to bring it up to him that she was totally ready. It was kind of an embarrassing conversation, and she would be the only one of her friends that had ever had sex.

She didn't want to feel like a slut.

When they got to the diner, Jasper's motorcycle was already sitting out front, and they could see the two of them sitting inside, leaning close, and giggling. It was almost sickening how in love those two were. Bella was surprised at how long it took Alice to realize she was in love with him. But last week it was one year for them, and they were more in love with every passing moment.

Sickening, but adorable.

Bella and Edward climbed out of the truck and he grabbed her hand, opening the diner door for her. They walked over to the booth, looked at Alice and Jasper, then to each other and grinned. As one, they both gagged.

Jasper gave them the finger, and Edward slid in beside him, and Bella sat beside Alice. She stole a fry off of Alice's plate, "Thanks for waiting for us, bitch."

Alice rolled her eyes, hitting Bella in the cheek with a french fry, and grinning. The smile on her face was one Bella had never seen before and she was kind of scared. And a little curious. She went to ask about it, but Alice shook her head, nodding quickly to the boys. Bella's eyes narrowed in curiosity and then she shrugged.

When the waitress came, Edward ordered the hamburger deluxe and Bella got a spinach salad with a cheeseburger.

"Oh man, come check out the stereo system I put in Bells' car this morning. Fucking sick," Edward said, and Jasper nodded, getting up. When the boys were safely outside, Bella looked at Alice, a question in her eyes.

Alice was practically bursting, the need to tell someone eating at her. "I slept with Jasper!" she blurted, grinning ear to ear.

Bella's eyes widened, her mind flashing back to earlier with Edward in the truck. "When?" It was the only question she could think to ask, and her mind was trying to comprehend that her best friend wasn't a virgin anymore.

And she still was.

Sigh.

Alice giggled, "Our one year anniversary last week. It was so romantic, Bella." Her voice was dreamy, and her eyes were off in another realm as she spoke about that night. "We drove to Mount Rainier, to this little campground called Alder Lake Park. He rented us a cabin! When we got there, he told me to go take a swim and look around. I walked for like thirty minutes, before he texted me to tell me to come back."

Her eyes wandered out to the parking lot and she sighed, her head resting on her hand. She smiled at Jasper, even though he couldn't see her. "When I went back to the cabin it was covered in candles. I have no idea how he even got them there. I didn't see any in his luggage." She grinned, the memory flooding her brain and blocking her ability to speak for a moment.

When she continued, she was looking at Bella again. "It was perfect, Bells. There was soft music, he had bought me this slinky little negligee, designer too, and he was so soft. So sweet." She grinned, winked at Bella, and then laughed, thinking of the way she had worded it. "Well, his hands were soft. The rest of him is quite hard and muscled. Especially his-"

"Alice!" Bella cut her off, giggling. Then she hugged her best friend, genuinely happy for her. When she pulled back, she smiled at her, "I'm glad you had a great week in the mountains. Did you two even leave the bedroom?"

Alice laughed, "Of course! Mount Rainier was breathtaking. The lake and the trails. It was all gorgeous, I want to go back already."

Edward and Jasper came back then, and Bella giggled when she seen Jasper. "Congratulations," she said, winking. Jasper just smirked, and nodded.

So… maybe she wouldn't be a slut, after all.

*~*

Joshua's eyes narrow as he looks at me. I think he knows what's coming, but wants to prolong it as much as possible. I don't want to break his heart anymore than he wants it to get broken, but what's done is done.

"Bella?" Joshua whispers, his voice cracking. I don't want him to cry, I'm already crying enough for the both of us. I turn away from him and bring my sleeve up to my mouth, sobbing a little. I honestly care for Joshua and letting him go will be one of the hardest things I have to do. "Bella, baby, please look at me." His hands are tender on my arms, and I can hear the tears. He is crying.

"I'm so sorry, Joshua. Oh god, I'm so sorry." I sink back into his embrace. It's selfish, but I can't stop myself. It's just so comforting, and I want to be wrapped up right now. His arms tighten around me, holding on, his head falling on my shoulder. I can feel his tears soaking into my shirt and it makes me cry harder.

"Why, Bella? I thought it was good. I thought we were good…" his voice trails off, because he knows just as well as I do why. It was obvious today on the boardwalk. It was obvious on the drive home. I still love my husband, and I can't just change that in four months. I need him, just as much as I needed him the night I sent him out of my life for good.

"I'm so sorry, Joshua…" I repeat, and he lets me go. I fall to my knees, crying into the floor. He walks around so that he's standing in front of me and kneels down. His fingers find their way under my chin and he tilts my face up so that I'm forced to look at him. Then he kisses my tears from my cheeks. Then he kisses my eyelids.

And finally, his lips touch mine.

I sink into the kiss, craving his touch, his taste, and him. But our tears mingle together, and we can taste salt and mascara. The combination makes us cry harder, until we're holding each other tight to our bodies and hiccupping.

Joshua finally pulls away from me and nods, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face. "I will always love you, Bella Swan. I will always have you in my heart. It may have been three months, but you are amazing." He stands up, helping me up with him. "I'll never forget it."

His words make me smile a little, even though I can barely see through the tears. He walks to the door and then stops, hand on the doorknob. Joshua turns back to me and smiles sadly, his brown eyes sparkling with his pain. "We really could have been something, Bells. It was good, wasn't it?"

All I can do is nod, and he walks out the door.

I fall to my knees on the hallway floor and cry. "It really was good…" I whisper after him.

--

A/N: So... was it emotional? I tried to make it emotional. Oh well :P

Leave me some love and let me know!

Preview/Warning for tomorrow: Bella and Edward get it on for the first time! If that kind of stuffs makes you all squimish, then you might want to just read the present stuff, not the past stuff :P


	9. Emails and First Times

A/N: So here it is, as promised: A LEMON! hahha. be gentle with me :P

--

Alice is at my door. At 7:30 in the morning. On a Saturday. Beating on it like a her life depended on it.

I swear to god, I'm going to kill that fucking pixie.

Joshua and I have been broken up for only a couple days, and I miss him, but it's not deep a hole as I thought it would be. But I still haven't left my house, and the Chinese cartons are starting to pile up on the floor. Alice will be so impressed.

Grumbling, I drag myself to the door, still clad in only my nightclothes, hair a mess, and sleep still in my eyes. Honestly, if I don't have to be in to work, I can sleep until noon. 7:30 is an insane time to be up on a Saturday.

Alice's manic pounding grows louder the closer I get to the door. "Chill out, Pixie, I'm coming," I yell at her, scared to death she'll wake the crabby old hag across the hall. That's all I need, for Mrs. Dykeman to start screeching at me for disturbing the peace. Fucking bitch.

I open the door, and Alice shoves her way inside, bouncing up and down like a jackrabbit, her face bursting with the juiciest gossip she has ever possessed.

I have to say, I am mildly intrigued. Even if I'm going to kill that woman. I don't care if she's seven months pregnant.

I close the door and turn to her, resigned to being up this early. "What is it Alice?" I ask as I lead the way into the kitchen, the coffee calling my name.

"Edward emailed Jasper!" The words burst out of her mouth, as if they were fighting the entire time to be set free.

I freeze, just for a second, and then shrug. "Well, last I checked, they are cousins." Turning to Alice, I smile slightly, "They are allowed to email each other." Lord knows, they never talk in real life anymore, if Alice's gossip channel is to be believed. Jasper can't get passed the whole Edward-cheated-on-the-love-of-his-life thing.

Alice rolls her eyes, "Yeah, whatever. It's not that he emailed Jasper, which was a surprise, but it was what the email said, Bella!" Her eyes take on that glow again, and I sit down at the table beside her.

"What did the email say, Alice?"

Instead of answering, Alice grabs her purse, and pulls out a single piece of paper. I almost don't want to touch it as she slides it across the table towards me. "Better yet, read it."

So I'm obliged. And I pick the paper up.

_Hey Jasper._

_Look, I know you're mad at me for sleeping with Kate and Leah. I get it, I'm horribly mad at me too. But you didn't know the details then, and you don't know them now. Maybe someday, me and Bella might tell you guys what happened, but honestly, I think it's best if you just don't know. You'll respect Bella more then. _

_Not that I don't respect her. I do. God, Jasper, I can't get her out of my head. I'm such a fucking idiot! Why didn't you smash me back then and tell me that I stood to lose the most important thing in my life?_

_Oh wait.. I guess you did. More than once._

_I'm so sorry for not listening, man. I miss her so much. I need Bella in my life. And I know you don't want to hear that, I know you'd rather I just burn in hell for making that beautiful woman cry, but I love her. I really love her. I didn't even know how much until I finally drove her away. _

_Please, Jasper, if you've ever loved me, if you've ever loved Bella, please man. Help me get her back? Tell me what I've got to do, anything, I'll do it. Just please. Help me get her back._

_And whatever you do, don't show Alice this email. You know she'll run to Bella and Bella is happy with that Joshua guy. But really, I don't think she is. I know Bella more than anyone in this world, and she's trying to convince herself that Joshua is perfect for her but I know she misses me too. I could see it in her eyes today on the boardwalk. _

_Please, don't just ignore this. I love you too, and I miss my favourite cousin._

_I'm sorry for ruining everyone's lives. _

_Edward._

Well … damn.

*~*

_Seven years ago._

It has been two years since Alice and Jasper have gotten together. Bella can still remember quite clearly the bet that her and Edward made, and even thought she's tried multiple times to get Edward to collect on his win, he kept refusing because it wasn't the right time.

After a year and a half of his constant refusal, Bella decided that the time limit was up and he forfeited his win, thus making it Bella's win.

So, they asked the bet master extradonaire, Emmett, what he thought, and after reviewing the terms of their bet, decided that Edward hadn't forfeited, because no time limits were set in the original rules.

Now, two years after they had gotten together, and a month before the end of their high school career, Edward was standing in Bella's bedroom, holding her diary and smirking the evilest smirk he could manage.

Bella was crying, that's how badly she wanted him to give it back to her. It wasn't like there was anything written in there about him, other than that she really wanted him to fuck her, and that his dick actually tasted pretty good, or that his fingers were miracle workers. And she really did not need him knowing all her inner thoughts about the magic of his tongue.

They hadn't had sex yet, even though Bella decided a year ago she was ready. It just hadn't seemed like the best time, so instead, they started doing other things.

--

(Flashback to the night that Bella talked to Alice in the diner)

Bella had been quiet the entire drive home, biting her lip as she drove the truck. It was driving Edward crazy, cause that meant she was thinking hard on something and he wasn't privy to her thoughts.

And when she bit her lower lip just like that, it went straight southward for him. God, that was the hottest little thing.

So when they pulled up to the Swan residence and noticed that Charlie was home, instead of letting her say good night to him, he suggested that they go to the clubhouse to talk. Bella nodded, but looked a little scared.

Edward sat on the couch, pulling her down beside him. "What's wrong, Bellikins?" he asked, smiling, and tickling her side.

"Nothing, Eddie," she replied, laughing at his roaming fingers. Then she shook her head, and sat up straight, turning to Edward with a determined look. He mimicked her pose and crooked an eyebrow at her in question.

So she straddled him. And ground her hips down into his very obvious erection. When Edward moaned, she grinned and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "So, I've been thinking. And I've decided that I really want to taste your cock." She blushed saying that word, but the sudden spasm of Edward's hips into her and the way his hands gripped her sides until it almost hurt, had her thinking he liked dirty talk more than she ever knew.

"Nothing is stopping you. At all," Edward breathed, and she dragged her face around, until she was nose to nose with him. Then she kissed him.

She reached down to her own shirt, and whipped it off, before going for the bottom of his. As she was taking his shirt off, she raked her nails up his chest, causing him to shiver. When his shirt was clear, she threw it to join hers, and then followed the path her nails had made with her tongue. Licking, sucking, and biting at his nipples, the sounds he was making egging her on and coaxing her further.

She was very nervous as she reached the triangle above his pants button, and her hands were shaking as they reached for his belt. But she took a deep gulp of air, managed to pull his zipper down, and bring his penis out of their confines.

Then she glanced up at him with the biggest scaredy cat look on her face, and he grinned down at her. "I promise, nothing you do from here on out is going to be horrible. Just go for it."

And she did. First, she licked the tip of his head, and he groaned, throwing his head back, and then, emboldened by his response, dragged her tongue from the base to the tip, smirking up at him as his fingers dug into the cushion of the couch.

Her confidence grew with every lick, but she wanted to taste him fully, so she glanced up at him and at his, "Oh, god, yes please," she close her mouth around the shaft, taking in as much as she could, and sucking in as she brought him back out. "Jesus Christ!" he yelled, and she had to giggle and shush him. "Not my fucking fault. Christ, Bella, don't stop."

So she did it again, taking in a little more of him and using her hand to pump the base of his cock that she couldn't reach with her mouth. "Bella, Christ. Oh fuck, harder." She swirled her tongue around the head of his penis, dipping it in the slit a little and his hips jerked off the couch. Then she brought her other hand up to cup his balls, weighing them in her palm, before squeezing gently, and sucking his dick into her mouth at the same time. "Of fuck yeah, baby, so hot, so wet, don't stop. Christ, don't ever fucking stop."

When Bella brought her mouth down and sucked first one of his balls into her mouth, and then the other, a bead of precum leaked out of the head, and Bella's eyes widened. She licked it up and moaned at the taste, then pumped faster trying to draw as much of it out as she could.

Edward's eyes watched hers lazily as his hips jerked into her palm. "Baby, fuck, I'm cumming," he said, to warn her in case she didn't want to swallow. But she just grinned and took him completely into her mouth so that the first jet of cum hit her in the back of the throat, and she swallowed around his cock. Edward's eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he saw stars.

When she sat back on her heels, and grinned up at him, wiping the last drop from her chin, he smirked at her. "Come here, you little minx." Just as Bella was about to do just that, Charlie yelled from the doorway to the house and they both groaned.

--

(Back to Bella's bedroom)

Edward was grinning ear to ear as he read all the wonderful ways he had made his baby wet, scream, and cum, and his ego exploded with pride. Who knew he was so damn good at eating pussy?

Bella had left the room in embarressment, going downstairs to grab a drink. When she came back up, her eyes bulged out of their sockets. Because there, on her bed, was a fully reclined, and very naked Edward, just smirking at her.

And his cock was standing up for attention too.

"C'mere, baby." Edward whispered, holding his hands out to her. Bella grinned and sauntered over, placing her Pepsi on her nightstand and taking her shirt off, just out of his reach. She wiggled a little as she took her skirt off, and then reached around her back to unclasp her bra. With every piece of skin that was exposed to Edward's eyes, his dick jumped just a little, precum already beading at the tip.

When she was fully naked, she crawled in the bed beside him, and he rolled over so he was leaning on top of her, nestled in between her legs. Without even having kissed her yet, he reached down and grinned at how wet she was.

Then he kissed her. Nice and slow, as his fingers played over her pussy and dipped inside to swipe at her g-spot. She moaned into his lips, her hips arching into his touch. "God, don't tease me," Bella whispered, her hands scratching at his back, "I need you so badly."

Edward gulped, a little nervous, and then reached over to the nightstand to grab the condom he had laid there. "Are you sure, baby?"

Bella laughed and arched her hips up so that her drenched pussy was rubbing against him. "Yeah, Eddie, I'm very ready." He laughed and slipped the condom on. Lining himself up at her entrance, he started pushing in slowly but was never met with any resistance. His eyes darted down to hers, and she glanced away, blushing and embarrassed.

"Bella?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Alice bought me a vibrator for Christmas last year," she explained, blushing scarlet red, "I already technically lost my virginity."

Edward stopped moving inside her, cupped her face so that she was forced to look up at him, and then he laughed. He laughed so hard that it shook his whole body against her, and his dick ended up buried to the hilt inside her.

And then they moaned.

"You feel so much better than a vibrator, Edward." She grinned up at him and he leaned down to kiss her.

As one, they moved, and he crooked himself to hit her g-spot every time. It didn't last long, Edward was so hard to begin with that Bella knew it wouldn't, but he still managed to give her an orgasm before he came inside her.

Rolling off her, Edward discarded the condom and then pulled her into his arms. They only had a couple hours until Charlie got home from fishing, but they drifted off to sleep, a satisfied smile playing on both their lips.

*~*

I look into Alice's eyes, my face a mask of complete shock, and then glance back down at the paper re-reading the words that are already burned into my memory. "No… no, no… he can't do this to me!" I'm a mix of angry, confused, sad, and hurt. I don't even know if I want him back. Edward cheated on me, and cheaters don't change.

Isn't that what everyone said?

It isn't like he was discreet about it, either. I knew exactly when it was Kate, and exactly when it was Leah. I suspect there was a third person as well, but he refused to name her. However, her perfume was very familiar.

So then, how could he just expect me to forgive and forget everything that had transpired between us? And to turn to Jasper?

"Fuck him!" I yell, balling the paper up and throwing it at the wall. "Who the fuck does he think he is?" I glance back at Alice, who is nodding along with everything I say, but I can see that she wants to say something else.

"What, Alice?" My voice comes out more defeated than angry.

"Well…," Alice starts, holding her hands up in surrender, "I was talking to him two days ago." I glare at her, but don't say anything, "And he sounds really lost and heartbroken, Bells. Like, without you, he has no reason to live." I scoff and roll my eyes. "Listen, Bella, I'm on your side here. Believe me, what Edward did was wrong. But… he's not lying in that email. He genuinely misses you," Alice shrugs, her eyes pleading with me to understand.

I do.

I understand better than she thinks because I miss him too. It's like a whole part of me has been ripped out and taken away from me.

But he cheated, he did that. No one forced him to cheat on me.

Can I forgive a cheater because my heart needs him so much?

--

A/N: so, what did you think? Second lemon ever, so I'm slightly nervous.

Leave me some love!


	10. InLaws and Apt HuntingEm Meets Rose

A/N: Whew! Everyone loved my lemon, thank god, since I was so scared to post it! And I really like this chapter, because Esme and Carlisle are in it :)

Everyone keeps asking me what Bella did. hahah. I can't tell you that, sillies! You won't find out til chapter 16, the second to last chapter!

Read on, folks :)

--

This apartment is driving me nuts and I can't think. All I can see is Edward laughing in this corner, or me and Edward making love in that corner. It's distracting, it's heartbreaking, and my mind is running fifty miles a minute.

So I decide to spend the rest of the weekend at my father's place across town. He'll be quite excited, since I haven't been home in almost two months to see him. I feel as if I've neglected him, thus, I pack my bag and get into my truck.

As I'm driving, I'm listening to Edward's favourite CD that he left. I've wanted to get rid of it since that night but something has stopped me every time. As if throwing out his CD would be like saying goodbye to him permanently. And apparently, that's not something either of us wants.

I pull into my father's driveway, but quickly notice he isn't home. Figures, it's Saturday, in the middle of summer. Charlie is fishing. But looking next door, Esme can be seen in the airy kitchen window, moving about, almost as if she's concocting a new recipe. Since Edward's car isn't anywhere to be seen, I hop out of my truck and make my way to my in-laws house.

I feel silly as I walk over there, deciding whether to knock, or just walk right in as I have done since I was twelve years old. But, the question is answered for me as Esme looks up from her baking and rushes out to greet me.

"Bella, honey! Oh it's so good to see you!" She hugs me tightly, and the smell of cookie dough and flour permeates the air around my nose making me sigh in delight. I love this woman so much that I hadn't even realized how much I missed her til I was standing wrapped in her arms. "Come on in, come on in!"

I walk into the spacious kitchen, and smile. Nothing is different. It's almost surprising that everything is the same when my entire world has crashed around me in the last four months.

I sniff the air and sigh dreamily, "What are you working on, Esme?" She grins at me over the top of her pot, and serves me a small spoonful. I lick the pudding off the spoon in reverence, and moan just a little. "Holy, that is some delicious chocolate raspberry fondue." Esme beams at me. I've always been her number one fan when it comes to her baking. Lord help me, but I should be fat now from the amount of time I used to spend in this kitchen trying out every recipe that crossed Esme's mind.

"I've also got a butterscotch cream pie in the fridge if you'd like a slice," Esme says, waving her hand absently in the direction of their stainless steel fridge.

But instead of getting up to go get a piece of my favourite pie, I burst into tears. Honestly, Esme has no idea that butterscotch cream pie isn't my favourite because it's delicious, although there is that. So, I can't blame her for bringing it up. But the mere mention of our first kiss and I can't control the waterworks.

Esme rushes over to my side quickly, wrapping me in her arms, "Oh, Bella, what is it, baby?" she coos, patting my hair. I hug her back just as tightly, getting tears and mascara all over her apron, but I need a mother right now, and mine is too far away to visit. "Ssh, you just let it all out, honey."

When we smell burning fondue, I pull away from her quickly and run over to the stove. I shut the burner off and sigh, "Great, now my depression is even ruining your business." Esme clucks her tongue at me, taking the pot off the stove and stirring it a little before tasting it.

"You can't even tell. It's not for my business anyway, I was just putting together dessert for when Carlisle gets home in a little while." I watch her as she pours the fondue into a fondue bowl and then lights the candle underneath. "So now, Bella, sit down and tell me what's wrong."

I sigh, but sit beside her, glancing heavenward before launching into my tale. "Well, you know that Edward cheated on me right?" Esme nods, her eyes displaying disappointment in her youngest son's actions. "Well… don't get so upset with him."

And I tell her about the butterscotch cream pie incident. And when that doesn't help me, I tell her the rest. I tell her everything that happened nine months ago. I just let the whole story pour out of me until I'm crying and she's crying, and Carlisle walks in the door.

*~*

_Six years ago._

Edward and Bella looked around the third apartment that week. It was dingy, just like all the others, but with the little amount of money that Edward was making as a sales clerk, and Bella was making at the bakery, they couldn't afford anything fancy. But they wanted something together, for their second year at University of Washington.

They had decided to go to the same school, but as such, ended up choosing different schools then Alice and Jasper. Alice stayed in Forks and commuted to Port Angeles everyday where she went to community college to become an office clerk. Everyone told her to go to design school, something she would have been fabulous at, but she felt that she was better suited to office work. Bella was hoping that a couple years of pushing papers and Alice would realize her own potential.

Jasper went to Berkeley in California. Alice cried everyday for the whole summer before he was set to go, and wouldn't let Jasper do anything that didn't include her. But, Alice's program was only a year, and when Jasper goes back to Berkeley in September, Alice is going with him.

Emmett was in Seattle as well, but he was working full time as an automechanic, having graduated from college the year that Edward and Bella graduated from high school.

So now, Edward and Bella were looking for their first apartment together, after having spent their first year of college in dorms and hating every second of it. It wasn't that the dorms were nasty, or their roommates were horrible, for the most part. It was not being able to spend every night together, or having to meet up someplace if they wanted to see each other. It made making love a tedious and sometimes impossible task.

Thus, Bella decided it was a fabulous idea for them to move in together. Even their parents decided it was a fabulous idea. Carlisle and Esme had offered to pay their rent every month, so as to be able to get a better apartment and not have to work so hard, but Edward wanted the 'full' university experience, dingy first apartment and all.

Bella sighed as she stared at the droopy floral paper on the walls. "Edward, there has got to be something better than this in our budgets," she said, not bothering to keep her voice low as the landlord was standing very near by.

But, instead of offending Big John, she perked his ears up. "Well, miss, I do have another property not too far from here." Bella's eyes widened, then took another look around, and fell downcast. If this is the state of one of his buildings, the other must not be too much better. Big John caught this and hurriedly tried to make the sale, "No, no, it's way better than this. The rent is slightly higher, but it's fully furnished, has a spectacular view, and comes with A/C and Central heating. A bargain, really."

Edward nodded along with Big John, then asked, "But how much is slightly higher?"

The landlord shrugged slightly, a sure sign that was it was way higher, and mumbled, "A trifle, really. It's 1250 a month."

A whopping four hundred dollars more than this crappy apartment.

Bella looked at Edward and burst into laughter, pointing at the landlord like he was crazy. Edward chuckled too, turning to the landlord with a grin on his face. "Sir, no offense, but we can barely afford the 850 for this place." He looked at Bella, who nodded between her giggles, and then back to the landlord. "And we'll take this place."

The landlord nodded, satisfied enough, even though he knew they could afford more. They looked as if they were from money. Big John said he'd be right back and went to his office to grab the paperwork. When he came back Bella and Edward were pointing at random places on the walls, trying to decide what picture of hers to put where. They had so many that it was quite the lengthy discussion.

Big John held out the papers and Edward signed them, Bella right after. "Welcome to your new apartment," he said as he handed them the keys.

Bella squealed and Edward picked her up, spinning her around.

--

Emmett grinned as they showed him the keys to their new apartment. He had just finished a shift at the shop and smelled like oil and grease, but Bella was used to it by now. Instead of going home this summer, Edward and Bella chose to live at Emmett's apartment until they could find their own, so that they didn't have to take a leave from work. They went home on the weekends to spend time with Alice and Jasper and their families.

Bella grinned at him, taking the key back. "So, we're moving in a week from tomorrow. And then we'll owe you like everything we make for back rent." Emmett psshhed the same as he did every time Bella mentioned paying him for letting them stay. They had been there two months already and every time Bella attempted to give him money, he laughed in her face and told her to go buy Alice a present.

At this point, Alice had quite a few going away presents.

Edward rolled his eyes and threw his arm around Bella's shoulders. "This is it. Finally, our own place." He leaned over and kissed her ear.

Emmett guffawed, "Yeah right! You're just horny and want to have loud sex without anyone telling you to shut the fuck up!" Edward and Emmett laughed, while Bella blushed.

Just then, someone knocked on the door. Emmett glanced at it, wondering who in the hell it was. Bella just grinned, rushing over and opening it up. On the other side stood a goddess in dark blue skinny jeans, black heels, and a black tank top, with a dark blue denim half jacket over top. When Bella glanced back at Emmett, his mouth was on the floor.

"Rosalie! You made it!" Bella reached out and hugged her dormmate from last year and pulled her inside the small apartment. "You remember Edward, right?" Rosalie grinned, having seen Edward naked a time or two over the year when she walked in on them having sex a couple times. "And this is Edward's brother, Emmett. It's such a surprise you two haven't met yet." Bella winked at Edward, as Emmett shuffled forward to shake hands with the buxom blonde.

"Uh…hi, I'm Emmett," he introduced himself, lamely. Edward snickered at him, and he shot him a dirty look. "Are you thirsty?" he asked, walking over to the kitchenette off the living room and opening the fridge door.

"Sure, what do you have?" When Rosalie spoke for the first time, Bella could see Emmett's whole body sigh in response, totally whipped by some girl he barely even knew.

"Uh… umm… water… coolers… beer… oh and Bella's diet coke." Rosalie walked over to him, leaning over his shoulder to glance in the fridge. Emmett's eyes widened, as the position offered a look directly down her tight top, and he was almost drooling with how badly he wanted to reach down there. He closed his eyes and stood up quick, grabbing a beer when she pointed to one.

"You like beer?" he asked with a slight chuckle.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Yeah, so?" Emmett held his hands up, but the twinkle was still in his eyes. "Bet you didn't think girls could change a carborator in five minutes flat, either?"

At this, Emmett's eyes bugged. "You can do what?"

Rosalie laughed, "Yep. My dad's a mechanic, so I'm pretty handy around cars."

--

When Rosalie left that night, after Emmett showed her his entire model car collection, and she discovered his stash of playboy under his bed, laughing about how airbrushed they all were, Emmett turned to Bella with a sigh on his face.

"I'm going to marry that girl."

*~*

Carlisle's eyes scan the room quickly, taking in our tear stained faces, and he walks right over to me. "What did my son do now?"

I hadn't reached this part in my story yet, and Esme looks at me curiously, too. I sigh, and walk over to the window, staring out toward my house, and the clubhouse I can just barely make out beyond it.

"It's not really what he did to me, that's the problem," I say, not bothering to turn around. "See, I was happy. I was dating this guy named Joshua, a coffee shop owner in Port Angeles, and everything was great. But then I ran into Edward and Emmett walking along the boardwalk with him, and … and everything went to fucking shit!" I turn around quickly, my hand over my mouth, "Oh… I'm so sorry."

Esme laughs, "You're almost 26, honey, I think you can say fucking now." I giggle, as I've never heard Esme swear before in my entire life.

"Well…anyway, I realized standing there that I couldn't be with Joshua anymore. I was still in love with Edward." Carlisle nods at this, as if he's expected as much all along. "And… then Edward sends this stupid email to Jasper telling him how much he's still in love with me and wants me back." I throw my hands up and plop back into the chair I had vacated. "What the heck do I do now?"

Esme smiles, the light twinkling in her eyes. It's weird, but staring at her then, I finally notice that she's 52. She's starting to show the lines around her eyes, her laugh lines getting deeper with age. But Esme is so young at heart that it's almost impossible to tell unless you're staring directly at them.

It's almost comforting in a way.

"Bella, honey, we can't answer that. It's up to you and Edward to decide what you want out of life, whether it's together or apart." I sigh, I knew she was going to say something like that. "But, I can tell you this: You already know the answer. You already know exactly what you want. Just let your heart forgive him, and forgive yourself."

Carlisle looks confused at these words. He doesn't know that there is something for me to be forgiven for. I desperately want to tell him, but I can't think of the words. So instead, I kiss Esme on the forehead, and whisper to her to tell Carlisle later, and then kiss my father-in-law on the cheek as he whispers in my ear, "Come visit us more. And talk to Edward. He may have messed up, very much, but I truly believes he still loves you."

I nod, smile at them both and then turn to leave. At the last second I walk to the fridge and grab the butterscotch cream pie. "I'm going to take this, I'll make you another one," I say, laughing, and Esme smiles, understanding.

--

A/N: So, there you have it. Is Bella screwed up or what? hahha.

Can everyone go and spam the hell out of cplust's stories, especially Songs to Live and Die By, and tell her to stop effing playing the Sims and get back to writing? Cause she's at her g-ma's right now so I can't just go beat the crap out her. And I want to read chapter 6 of Songs!

hahha XD

Leave me a review!


	11. Calling Edward and Pregnancy Scares

A/N: So Bella finally contacts Edward! Have fun.

And thanks for the love on my lemon! I love everyone but cplust, cause she didn't review me. So now I'm mad. Hmmph. lol.

On to the story!

--

It has been three weeks, six days, and fifteen hours since I received that email from Alice. Since I found out that I was right the entire time and that Edward really did love me. Since my world came to a grinding halt.

I have done absolutely nothing since that day. I go to work, come home, eat and sleep. There is nothing else. I'm actually ashamed of myself because of what a horrible recluse I've become. Alice has been over, Jasper, and even Rosalie. No one can break into my shell, because none of them are Edward.

So… I pick up my phone.

And I stare at it.

Then I dial Emmett's telephone number.

Hang up.

Try again.

Three different times.

I'm sure whoever is on the other end of the line wants to kill me at this point, but I can't bring myself to stay on the line past the first ring. I almost made the second ring the last time, but it's so hard. I don't even know if I forgive Edward, and I certainly don't know if I'm ready to see him.

But I try one last time, and this time, whoever is on the other end is ready for me, because the answer on the first ring. "BELLA MARIE CULLEN!" I hear Emmett's voice screaming at me, "IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT THE FUCK UP, I'M COMING OVER THERE AND STRANGLING YOU!" Actually, the threat makes me laugh. I'd like to see Emmett try and strangle me. I can whip that boy in an arm wrestling contest.

Course, I was quite a bit younger than, and I haven't exactly been lifting the weights too much these days, not like Emmett, who could probably lift an entire car at this point.

"Sorry, Em," I laugh into the phone, and then I hear him sigh, and I know something is up. "Emmett?" I ask into the receiver, cautiously.

"Bella, honey, he has to go. I love him, he's my brother, but you two need to make up or something cause fuck, he's got to go." Emmett sounds exhausted, and I'm not sure what has him that way. Edward can't possibly be that moody and emo, can he?

"Why? What could I do for him, Emmett? He can't move back in here. There's no fucking way," I say, almost snidely, the thought making me want to heave the casserole I choked down for supper. "I have no say in what Edward does and where Edward goes anymore."

Emmett chuckles humourlessly, "Believe me, no one knows that as well as I do. But that's not the reason I need him to leave." I'm curious at his, and I think I even make a huh? sound into the phone because Emmett's voice gets slightly lower and more secretive. "Rose is going stircrazy. I don't know why she can't even be in the same room as him for more than a half hour, but every time she sees him, she gets this weird look on her face."

Rosalie…? I think to myself, wondering what in the hell she would have to be weird around Edward for. I figured that she didn't even care about what he had done, she hadn't called me for the first couple of months we had been split up. Then I seen her while shopping one day and we caught up over lunch.

"What do you mean, weird?" I ask, slowly and deliberately. I feel as if there is something me and Emmett are both missing here, but neither of us can figure it out.

"Well…I don't know, Bells. She gets right cold and distant, refuses to talk. She never mentions Edward's name unless someone directly asks her a question. I can't understand it." I can practically see Em's face and I know that he's rolling his eyes at his fiancee's antics. "But he has to go, I can't fucking deal with it anymore."

Suddenly I hear a "Hey! Fuck off, man!" from Emmett and then Edward comes on the line, talking to Emmett behind him. "I'll get the fuck out of your hair soon, asshole. Jesus." He sounds angry and tired. A little slurred.

"Hello, Edward," I whisper into the mouthpiece, both offended that I apparently couldn't talk to his brother, and nervous as hell that I am finally talking to the person I called to talk to.

His voice hitches a little, and his slur is more pronounced now that he's speaking directly into the phone. "Hey, baby," he whispers back, and I cringe a little.

"Don't call me that." I don't mean to sound so rude and abrupt, but him calling me baby just stirs up too many memories.

"I'm sorry, bab-Bella," he sighs a little, and then I hear him shuffling. "Can we talk?"

*~*

_Five years ago._

Bella stared down at the little stick wondering what in the fucking hell she was going to do. There was no way, they were only in their third year of college. Hell, she had only turned 20 years old a month ago. They could barely afford to pay their rent, gas, and groceries on top of internet and cable and phone. They even had to move to a different, even shittier apartment when it became too much at Big John's.

But she was staring straight at it, and that color was not changing.

It was times like these that she wished to God that Alice hadn't moved to California with Jasper. Fuck, she wished that they were all back in Forks so she had her best friend to turn too.

Sure, Rosalie was her best friend now, her only friend outside of Edward and Emmett. There was a couple of chicks that Bella had met through Rosalie, Jessica and Angela, but neither of them were all that invested in her life. This wasn't something she could turn to them with. Rosalie would help her, but she'd tell Emmett and he'd tell his brother. This wasn't something Bella could afford to have Edward hear from anyone but her.

Pink.

Fuck. Change.

But it didn't. She stared at it for ten minutes, and the little strip stayed pink. She reread the instructions twenty times, but each time it said 'Pink = Positive'. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. "What the hell am I gonna tell, Edward?" she asked the air.

She heard the key in the lock and quickly stuffed the pregnancy test and the box in her purse before standing up and fixing herself up. It would be no good to be nervous or seem anxious around Edward. She'd head down to the walk-in clinic tomorrow and get them to do a real pregnancy test. She just had to keep her head together until then.

"Hey, baby," Edward said as she walked out of the bathroom. He leaned over and kissed her, lingering a little, and smiling against her lips. "God, I love that lip gloss. Never ever buy anything else."

Bella grinned, swiping a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She walked into the kitchen, pulling out pots. "How was work?" she called, grabbing stuff for stroganoff.

"Great, Tim came in late today, but we still managed to get everything accomplished. The Halloween displays look awesome, your photos really bring everything together." He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and nuzzling her neck.

Then he reached up and flicked the burner off, "Not hungry, Bellikins. Not for stroganoff, anyway." And then their lips met in a passionate kiss.

--

The next day, Bella was standing outside Seattle Grace Woman's Clinic and nervously wringing her hands. Deciding to just get it over with, she ducked inside, hoping against hope that no one had seen her.

She walked up to the desk, registered and sat down in the waiting room. Taking a look around, she noticed girls younger than her, clutching their swollen bellies and gabbing to their girlfriends, some carefree, some scared to death. She looked down at her own stomach and wondered, not for the first time, what the hell they'd do if she was pregnant.

"Isabella Swan."

Bella stood up and followed the nurse into the doctor's office. She gulped, looking at the stirrups and the medical equipment. She didn't even get yearly paps since she only slept with Edward, so who knows what was going on. But, Bella hoped to god the doctor didn't make her get one today. If there was one thing she hated, it was those damn things.

"Miss Swan?" came a voice behind her, making her jump a little. The doctor smiled apologetically and waved at her to sit down. "I'm Dr. James, the ob-gyn here." He was polite, and if Bella wasn't so nervous, she'd probably think he was smoking hot.

On second thought, if you want to go poking around up there, it's quite alright with me, Bella's dirty mind thought to her.

"Umm… hi," she replied, dumbly, sitting in the seat indicated. "I'm uh… well, I think I might be pregnant." Bella's face fell as she said the last words, and it was quite obvious to Dr. James that pregnant was definitely not what she wanted to be.

"Well, let's have a look at your file, then." He flipped open a file folder that had a few sheets attached to it. "Twenty-one, healthy, appendix out when you were fourteen." He nodded along with everything he said, and Bella almost giggled, it was that cute. "Your family doctor is Dr. Carlisle Cullen?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Yep, since I was twelve." Charlie had tried to make Bella go to some haggy old lady by the name of Dr. Shrembotter, something, to this day, Bella wasn't sure if it was pronounced 'Sh-rem-boat-er' or 'Shroom-botter'. She thought it might be the later, because that old lady sure as hell acted like she was on drugs. When Bella took a big enough fit, however, Charlie asked Carlisle if he could make an exception and take on another patient.

Dr. James smiled at her, "He was my mentor when I did my residency in Forks, fifteen years ago." Bella's eyes almost bugged out of their skull: this guy did not look at least 38 years old. "How's he doing?"

"Oh, great. He's doing the family practice thing now, and Esme owns her own bakery. I'm actually dating his son, Edward."

Dr. James laughed, "Ah yes, Emmie and Eddie, the goofball twins." Bella giggled at the nicknames. "Don't laugh, when they were 5 and 7 that's what we used to call them." She laughed one more time, before Dr. James handed her a cup and told her to pee in it.

While she was waiting for the test results, Bella flipped through a magazine. "Miss Swan?" Dr. James called, twenty minutes later, "Can you come back in the office for a second?"

Bella nodded and stood up, following him in. She sat back in the chair she was sitting in earlier, and waited for him to speak. "Miss Swan, I can assure you that you aren't pregnant." Bella's whole face dissolved in relief. "However," at this, Bella sat up straighter, looking confused, "I believe there might be a problem with your eggs. I can't be certain, but the tests indicate a trace of scar tissue. Have your menstruations been heavier than normal lately?"

Bella nodded, too dumbfounded to speak. She may not want kids now, but children were on the menu for Edward and Bella. They had already discussed it, right down until the last detail.

"I can't confirm or deny anything right now. You'll have to get some more tests down, and unfortunately, your insurance won't cover you to get them down here." She stared with wide eyes, tears leaking out the corners without her noticing. "However, in Forks, they have the same equipment, and if your family doctor performs the tests, they will be covered, or at least, mostly covered by the insurance plan you have." Bella agreed, not really looking at him. "I'm so very sorry, but like I said, Miss Swan, these are only speculations. Don't get scared yet, it may turn out to be nothing."

Bella thanked the doctor quickly, and left the clinic. Once out in the street, she collapsed on a bench and drew her knees up to her chest, crying. She kept repeating the same mantra over and over to herself:

"It's just speculation, it's just speculation, it's just speculation…"

*~*

I nod, though he can't see me through the phone, then clear my throat and answer him. "Why else do you think I called, Edward?"

Edward is silent for a few minutes, and I can hear his heavy breathing. I wonder how much he's had to drink tonight, and if he's getting to work okay every morning. Then I start to wonder if Kate is still his secretary, or if fired her and got a new one. Knowing him, he didn't.

"Bella… how are… uh, you and that guy-what was his name?-Joshua?" I can hear the strain in his voice, as if he'd rather talk about anything in this world but the current status of my love life. Part of me feels I'd be vindicated in answering that we were doing fabulously and I had just gotten back from a mini-vacation on his yacht. But that wouldn't help us move forward, and that's what the bigger part of me craves.

"I broke up with him, Edward." I stop short from telling him it was the same day. That I did it because I seen him again.

"Oh…" he sounds slightly happier at this, and I can't help but smile a little. So he really was jealous that day on the boardwalk.

Not knowing what else to say, I turn to the only thing we have left to talk about: our feelings. "Alice seen that email you sent Jasper. She showed it to me."

There, out in the open.

I can hear him curse on the other end of the line, and I chuckle slightly. So like him to curse out whoever he can get away with cursing. "Don't blame Jasper, you know how Alice is," I can't help but defend my favourite cousin-in-law's honour. After all, I feel that I deserved to see that email anyway.

"Whatever, I'm going to rip his balls off the next time I see him. He's already got 1 and almost 2, he doesn't really need them anymore."

I laugh, "Alice might have a different story to tell." The banter comes easily, and it's so nice to fall into old habits with Edward. As much as I've missed my husband, I think I've missed my best friend more. Everything used to be so easy between me and Edward, until I ruined it, and he ruined it further.

So I stop laughing, and sigh. "We need to talk about it, Edward. Seriously."

He exhales loudly, and I can see his head resting on the back of the chair he's sitting on. It's his classic this-is-so-much-harder-than-it-should-be pose whenever something in his life goes wrong.

After a minute or two of silence, he agrees. "But not on the phone. Meet me for lunch, in person."

I'm busy for the following couple of days, and besides, I need a few days to prepare myself for this, but I gulp and nod, forgetting momentarily that he can't see me. "Alright, lunch. Next Friday at noon sound okay?"

Edward agrees, suggesting the diner for our meeting. As we go to say our goodbyes, Edward breaths low into the phone, and his words almost bring a tear to my eye:

"I miss you so much, Bellikins."

--

A/N: So what did you think?

Preview for tomorrow: Lunch with Edward! hahah. How'd you already guess that? :P

Leave me some love! Especially you, Miss Too High and Mighty to Review My Story. See if I ever talk to you again. *tear* (Technically I'm talking to her as I post this :P)


	12. Lunch with Edward and Bella Turns Legal

A/N: To the person who asked why Edward hadn't done anything yet to get her back, I didn't write anything in because I didn't have enough chapters. Sorryy:)

Now, on to their lunch. Enjoy!

--

A week and a half has passed by since the phone call and it's now Friday. I'm actually shaking as I pull up to the diner and see his car is already there. I should have known he'd come early. Hell, I should've been late, see if he'd still be here.

But I'm here now, and I can see him sitting at 'our' booth through the window. And it's not like I can just drive away, he's staring right at me too.

So I gulp, squeeze my hands on the steering wheel, and clench my eyes shut. Then I open the door. It is actually harder than I figured it to be. And I figured it to be extremely difficult. But, as soon as I step out of my truck, I hold my head high and attempt to look calm and collected.

"Hello, Edward." My voice comes out more cool than I intend it, but perhaps starting off in charge is the best way to face this head on. I refuse to come off as the victim or the pushover ex-wife. He has to understand I am hurt, and I can't let myself be swayed by emerald green eyes.

His eyes are looking at the table as I walk up to it, and he doesn't look up at me when he speaks. It comes out mumbled and defeated, "Hey, Bells."

I slide into the booth across from him, and stare intently at the top of his head into he looks up at me. "So… I'm here. Let's talk."

Edward nods, his eyes scanning my face for any sign that I'm going to just get up and run. Which is exactly what I feel like doing. "Where should I start?" He sighs, running his hands through his hair, a nervous tick he's had since I met him.

"Start with the other women. How many and why?"

"There was … two," he hesitates and my suspicions are confirmed. "And… I don't know why. I guess, to get back at you? To make you feel as much pain as I felt that night." I nod, blinking back tears. It wouldn't serve me well if I start crying. "But I didn't … I mean, god, Bells, I'd do anything to take it back. To go to counselling like you suggested at the time."

I laugh dryly. "Yeah, well, too late for regrets, Edward, what's done is done, and you cheated." I lean back and cross my arms, watching as his face falls and he swipes at a tear. "And yes, if you're intention was to hurt me as much as I hurt you, you passed. I fucking felt fantastic. It was such a treat to me, knowing my husband's dick was shoved into everything he could get his hands on. I loved going to bed every night smelling like someone else's perfume. Thanks, Edward," I roll my eyes at him, and he nods, not bothering to wipe the tears away now.

"Can I get you two anything?" Clara asks, looking nervously between the two of us.

I smile at her, although it isn't all that genuine. "Yeah, I'll have a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese, and he'll have an everything with herb and garlic." She nods and goes to walk away. "Oh and an orange juice for both of us," she turns and nods, then goes to put the order in.

"I'm not all that hungry," Edward says, glancing after Clara. "I don't want anything."

"Well, tough. It's lunch but I figured breakfast foods are smaller and therefore easier to eat." I look him over, noticing how loose his favourite shirt is hanging. "Besides, you can obviously use it."

He shrugs, not bothering to argue, and then sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. "Bella, I still love you. I have always loved you. I didn't stop loving you that day, I just… god, Bella, what you did… I couldn't stand to look at my own wife!" I swallow hard, determined not to cry, I wanted to know. "That's not how a marriage works. And then… the other women. It was so easy, being with them, letting myself go, and knowing that it was hurting you too."

I look away, and close my eyes. When I open them up, Clara is back at the table, and I accept my bagel and juice with a grim, tight smile. "Thanks," I whisper. She nods and leaves. "Okay," I agree with him, picking at my bagel, "You couldn't stand to look at me. Then why didn't you … I don't know, go to counselling, or leave. Why wait five months and destroy me in the process? You don't think what happened hurt me too? I didn't just rip your heart out, Edward, I destroyed my own as well."

And I lost the battle, I am crying.

*~*

_Five years ago._

Bella's 21st birthday is today.

She was going crazy. She had already had way too much to drink, prank called fifteen places, and ate half a pizza.

And it wasn't even three pm, yet.

It wasn't like she hadn't already been drunk fifteen thousand times beforehand; Emmett could buy liquor for the last two years. But, it was somehow way more fun on her 21st birthday.

She had opted not to go into class today, or for the next two days, as she wanted to totally get shit faced. But Edward had gone in, since she didn't actually have any plans to celebrate with him. Sure, that would have made sense, but Alice had decided not to return to California this year until after Bella's birthday, saying that her best friend was way more important than sex, anyday. Bella scoffed at that, no way in hell is best friends more important than sex with Edward, that man had some serious skill.

Jasper had understood, but the tearful goodbye that ensued between him and his bride of one year was almost nauseating to watch. If Bella didn't have to drive Alice back to her apartment, where she stayed for the first two weeks of September, then she would have just left them standing there.

Yee-uck.

Alice came bounding out of Bella's bedroom, where she had spent the last hour attempting to pull together two fabulous outfits for their trip to the NightOwl that night, the swankiest bar in Seattle, according to online reviews. She glanced at Bella, working on her fourth beer since noon and grinned. "If you get smashed and can't walk tonight, I'm not carrying your ass." She winked, and Bella gave her the finger.

"Yeah, well, you're pregnant, bitch, and can't even drink with me. I swear, if Rosalie isn't drunk by 10:00, I am getting new friends." Alice smirked and rubbed her belly, only two months pregnant and not showing yet.

"Yeah, yeah, you said that at my wedding, fuckerface."

"Ouch, big words, from such a little pixie." Bella grinned at her and Alice's eyes narrowed in mock-anger. She hated it when Bella called her a pixie, so Bella did it more. Such was the love between them.

"Okay, Bellikins, what is the plan tonight?" Alice had heard Edward call Bella that one day when he wanted something, and she had latched onto it ever since. Fair is fair, after all.

"Well," Bella sat up a little straighter, and then chugged the last of her beer bottle down, "Rosalie is coming over here. And we're drinking. Then we're going to the NightOwl together, at like 11:30. After that, who knows? I don't want to stay at the bar until closing. That looks desperate, and we are all attached." She glanced at the photo of Edward sleeping that she could just make out in the hallway. It was one of the best she had ever taken of him. And she had taken a lot.

"Sounds like a party!"

--

They all left the NightOwl at 2:00am, after Rosalie had been hit on by not one, not two, but three lesbians. And every time, Bella and Alice cried a little harder with laughing. Alice was hit on by this big burly guy who Bella was fairly certain was in one of her classes. Bella didn't get hit on all night: She hit on everyone else. When the song Jumpin, Jumpin by Destiny's Child came on the speakers, Bella gasped and turned to the other two stating it was a song about her life at the moment.

Alice decided it was time to leave then.

So, at 2am they were walking down the main street of nightclubs in Seattle, singing show tunes at the top of their lungs, and winking at all the men, when Rosalie noticed a sign for a 24 hour tattoo parlour. She grinned and grabbed Bella's arm. "To comme-commence-commerma-to celebrate your birthday, you're going to get a tattoo!"

Bella stared at her like she had grown three heads. "Uh-huh, sure."

Alice giggled and her eyes lit up, "We'll all get a tattoo!"

Now it was Rosalie's turn to stare, "Uh… I just said Bella." She gulped, looking a little scared. Alice had the determined look on and Rosalie grasped at straws, "But you're pregnant!"

Alice grinned, "I'm only two months pregnant, and you can't tell. Besides the risk to the baby is so minimal that it's not that big of a deal. As long as the parlour is sterile, we're fine." She lifted her tank top up a little to show a miniscule tattoo on her right hip of a butterfly. "I already have one, anyway!"

Without being able to come up with a plausible excuse as to why they couldn't do it, Bella and Rosalie were ushered into the parlour by a very bouncy Alice.

"Hey there, I'm Chris," the guy behind the counter said as they walked in to Skin Decision. He smiled at them, obviously a little tipsy, and gestured to his buddy, Mark, to come help assist. "What can I help you ladies with today?"

Alice spoke up, opting to be the leader for the group, "We're all going to get tattoos. I don't know what they want, but I want Tinkerbell to be added to this little guy," she said, pulling up her tank top a little. Chris nodded, coming over to inspect the tattoo.

Mark looked at the other two, "Any idea what you want?" Rosalie hummed a little, while Bella went to look at the pictures around the room.

Then Rosalie aha'd. "I want a Rose, with the stem and leaves, on my foot, and I want a wrench wrapped around it." Mark raised an eyebrow but nodded, pulling out a pad of paper to try and sketch that.

Bella continued looking, not really paying attention as Rosalie and Alice were set in the chairs, and the preliminary sketches were completed. She was trying to find something that caught her eye and said Edward without actually saying Edward. She could hear Rosalie's cries of pain every time Mark got anywhere near her foot and she grinned to herself, but chose not to go over and look. Blood wasn't really her thing.

After 45 minutes, Alice was done and it was Bella's turn. She grinned at the addition to Alice's tattoo. "Very cute!" When Bella sat in the chair and told Chris exactly what she wanted, both Rosalie and Alice looked at her strange.

--

That night, when she crawled into bed with Edward, she grinned down at him, shaking him til he woke up. "Hey baby, how was the bar?" he asked, sleepily.

"It was great, but I've got a major hangover coming on," she laughed, rubbing her forehead. "But umm… the girls made me do something tonight."

Edward sat up and looked at her with a cocked eyebrow.

"It's better if I show you." She turned around, so she was kneeling on the bed away from him, and lifted her nightshirt up to reveal the word tattooed on her lower back.

Butterscotch

*~*

Edward's frowns as soon as he sees my tears, but I can't help it. He's crying too, and together, we must look like a pair of idiots crying into their bagels.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward whispers, and I gasp. It's really the first time he's actually apologized for ripping my heart out. It is nice to hear, but honestly, it feels a little too late. So I bite into my bagel instead of answering him, chewing through my tears and not looking at Edward.

He sighs and bites into his. "I don't know what you want me to say, Bella. Sorry isn't good enough, the truth isn't good enough, what else is there?" He's staring into my eyes, begging me to accept his apology, his bagel forgotten in his hand.

"I can't just accept it, Edward. There's so much more to it than that. You willingly slept with other women, you enjoyed it. And you even fell in love with someone that wasn't me. What am I supposed to do?"

Edward's eyes grow wide, and he shakes his head, "I did not fall in love with anyone else, Bella! I never loved Kate at all." I roll my eyes, not believing him. "No, it's the truth. I have never loved anyone but you, ever in my life."

"Then why did you keep going back to her? Why did you talk about her like I wasn't even in the room?" I'm angry now, the tears stop flowing.

He shakes his head, desperate for me to understand. "Bella, honey, no. That's not why, I only did it because I knew it hurt you!" I laugh, derisively, and he shakes his head again, talking faster than his brain is working. "No, that came out wrong. I mean, well, it didn't come out wrong, that's why I did it, but only because you hurt me, like I said. And, well, I take it all back now, and goddammit, Bella, I wish we could move past this. Find some common ground, or something." He reaches across the table and grabs my hand, "Please, baby, just give me another chance."

I'm crying again, my face soaked with my tears, when I whisper my reply, "How many women was there?"

Edward smiles sadly, and whispers back, "Two, Bella…" But he looks guilty, and I glare at him until he admits, "There was another one."

A sob escapes me, as it's confirmed, and I yank my hand back from him. "Who was it?"

But at this, just like I knew he would, he shakes his head, "I can't tell you. But, please, she doesn't matter. It was only one time, and we were drunk, it's over. It never even happened, please, Bella."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Edward. I can't trust you enough, not if you can't tell me. You have to be able to trust me, too, but until then, we have no future together."

With that, I drop a ten on the table, pick up my coat, and walk out the door.

--

A/N: Oh no! He wouldn't tell her! Damn Edward.

Preview for tomorrow: Joshua shows up again! :) I really like the part where he's in. So I hope you enjoy it too!

Leave me a review!


	13. Expresso Pump and Graduation

A/N: Okay folks. I love you, I do. I love getting reviews. I eat them for lunch, and believe me, I'm fat by now. But I've been getting the exact same review over and over and over: "What did Bella do? I missed it." No, you didn't miss it. I haven't said it yet! It is the big finale, folks, therefore, three chapters after this one you will all have answers. So stop asking that, and instead, comment on how fucking fabulous I am. :P

On to the show!

--

After I leave Edward sitting there, a look of total shock and hurt on his face, I drive around Forks for about an hour and a half, before deciding to drive to Port Angeles. The boardwalk seems to be my place of choice for when I'm feeling lonely these days. Besides, it's Alice's last day before she starts maternity leave; she had left it to the last possible month so as to have more time on the other side of her pregnancy for Maria and the new baby. Maria had just turned 3 four months ago, on April 29th.

So, driving into the boundaries of Port Angeles, I decide that a coffee date with my best friend is just about due, and instead of going to the boardwalk, I turn my car in the opposite direction and head to Alice's medical clinic.

However, when I get there, Jasper is already there. Alice is as big as a house by now, and he lovingly grasps her arm, helping her down the three steps of the clinic. She leans into his side, her head automatically going to his shoulder. It doesn't look comfortable, but they waddle along slowly, wrapped in each other, Alice laughing at something Jasper says, and Jasper reaching one hand out to protectively wrap around her belly.

A sob escapes me as I watch the two of them. I shouldn't be jealous of my best friends and their happiness, but looking at all the love between them, love that was never challenged or faltered, love that is so unconditional, it should have it's own name, my own insufficient love life looks measly and weak. Why couldn't we make it work when two people who mirrored us our whole lives, two people who loved, laughed, and lost right along with us, could?

I smile slightly as Alice trips a little and he catches her in a ballroom dip, his hand holding one of hers and his knee going up to support her back. She laughs so carefree and he takes the opportunity to lean down and kiss her. Just like that, in the parking lot of the Port Angeles Medical Clinic, with two elderly people walking by them, he kisses her. The older lady stops and clasps her husband's hand, smiling at the two of them. Alice grins and responds to something that she says, and the older lady comes over to place her hand on Alice's swollen belly. I can't hear, but tears leak out of my eyes.

I don't belong in that world. Not anymore.

I am never going to have little old ladies commenting on how gorgeous me and my husband look together. Or how big my belly is. No one is ever going to ask me how far along I am, or what the sex of my baby is.

I remember the day that we found out Alice was pregnant with Maria. After we squealed, clapped, and did three and a half happy dances, Alice went to call Jasper, who had just left for California, and I went into my bedroom and cried as hard as I could. Because it was never going to happen for me. Carlisle had told me so 23 months earlier. I wasn't able to have children, and as happy as I was for Alice, I was also angry at her that she could.

That might make me a bad person, but I was.

Now, I silently smile at them, wishing them all the luck in the world, but instead of going over and asking if they wanted to grab some coffee, I back out of the parking lot and head to the boardwalk. It's the only place I feel welcome with my doom and gloom anyway.

Just as I turn to leave I glance in the rearview mirror at Alice and Jasper, and she's staring right at me, a look of complete sadness on her face. I feel bad that my presence made her feel sad, that my life is so messed up that I make my best friend cry for me. I don't want to ruin her happiness. So I keep driving.

--

At the boardwalk, I park my truck and sit there staring at the ocean. When me and Edward first got engaged he had taken me here and told me to look out at the vast expanse of the water and to imagine myself in ten years. I did, but the only thing I could see was us, together, with a couple little adopted children running around.

He told me that he saw me with a baby in my belly, and a golden wedding band on my finger.

Today as I looked out into the ocean, I see an empty glass box, something that needed to be filled again, but there's a hole. And I had no idea what I needed to plug up that hole.

Does the ocean come with a bathtub stopper? Does your heart?

*~*

_Three years ago. _

Edward and Bella were graduating college. Edward had majored in business management: hotel and tourism, and Bella had chosen Art. She already had a job lined up in Forks, co-running the only art gallery within a fifty mile radius. Edward was going to be commuting everyday, working at a lodge down in Kalaloch, 45 minutes south. He was going to be the hotel's assistant manager, but with the chance for a promotion when the manager retired in two years. If the manager retired, Edward would get lots of cool things, like his own secretary, and a company car.

Bella stared around the empty auditorium, whistling slightly. It was fucking huge. She had no idea it was going to be this big, and it was going to be full for graduation that night, so there was going to be a lot of people to watch her fall up the stairs.

She had already done it once at her high school graduation, and there was only a fifth of the amount of people there as there was going to be here.

Edward had made sure that everyone he'd ever met, or that had ever met Bella, knew about them graduating. She found it kind of funny, and a little nauseating at the same time. People she didn't even remember would call her up, or email their congratulations. Charlie and Renee weren't helping matters. She had gotten a personal congratulations from every single member of the Florida Suns, and she had only ever met three of them on a trip to her mother's house two years ago.

But here she was: a graduate. It was a little scary, but at the same time she was very excited to start the rest of her life. Edward had proposed at Christmastime, and their wedding was set for next summer, so she had a lot of planning to do. And Jasper was graduating today as well, so Alice'd be home pretty soon and Bella would have her two best friends around her to plan the whole thing for her.

Jasper and Alice had decided to move back to Forks after she found out she was pregnant, because it was such a nicer place to raise a baby. Maria was almost three months now and Alice was dying to get her home so that she could start work on a 'real nursery'. The apartment they were living in didn't allow for renovations to the rooms, so Alice had to live with a generic white room.

Bella had already seen some of the sketches Alice had made about the nursery, and Bella could tell: it was over the top.

She was sad that her two best friends couldn't be there for them at their graduation, and she was sad that she couldn't be at Jasper's, but Renee and Phil; Charlie, his new girlfriend Sue and her two children; Carlisle and Esme; and Emmett and Rosalie were all going to be there. Charlie had attempted to get a few more people to come, but Bella and Edward had run out of tickets.

--

"Isabella Marie Swan!"

Bella gulped and walked up the stairs, hoping against hope that the heels that Rosalie picked out weren't going to betray her. They didn't, and she made it up the stairs, across the stage, and down to the other side without falling once. It wasn't until she got back to her seat that her heel caught on her gown and she was accidentally sprawled across the lap of a couple of the U of W football players.

"Uh… sorry," she grinned up at them, as one of them helped her to stand up. She hung her head when she heard laughing coming from 6 rows behind her.

Emmett. Asshole.

She turned around and gave him the finger, but accidentally offended some old lady who was sitting directly in front of him. He burst out laughing, and stuck his tongue out at her. Rosalie punched him and Bella nodded. "Take that, fuckerface," she whispered back at him, but he couldn't hear.

--

"Bella, I'm so proud of you!" her mother gushed, giving her a squishy big hug after the ceremony, back at their apartment, where the after-bash was being held. "God, I can't believe that you're almost 22! I feel so old!"

Bella giggled, "Mom, you're only 45. It's not that old." Renee looked around, making sure no one had heard her, and then shushed her with a mock-glare.

Charlie was next, giving her a modest hug, and letting go quickly. He wasn't really one for affectionate displays. He handed her her present and then shrugged, glancing at his feet. "It's not much, but it's from me and Sue and the kids. I figured you'd like it." Bella grinned at him, leaning up and kissing his cheek, before reaching into the bag and pulling out a glass angel. On it was a little poem about guardian angels, and inscribed into the metal surrounding it was, "I love you, Bella. From, Dad." It brought tears to her eyes and she pulled him into a big hug, making him blush and stutter a little.

Carlisle walked over holding his present for the two of them, keys to their new loft on Yonge Street. They had been planning on staying at Carlisle and Esme's until they found an apartment in Forks, but Carlisle had bought them a loft; airy, and complete with a balcony that Bella could take photographs on. He had even had a dark room installed off of their bedroom so that Bella could do her developing at home.

"Jesus, Dad!" Edward whispered, taking the keys from him. "We could have done all this, you know, paid rent like normal people." He grinned at Carlisle, but his eyes never left the keys in his palm.

"You wouldn't let me help out for the entire time you were in college, so I did this behind your back. Congratulations, the two of you." Edward smiled, hugging his father, and then his mother, and Bella followed suit.

Esme held up a paper bag as well, "This one is to Bella from Alice, but she requested that you open it in private." Esme winked and Bella nodded slowly, taking the bag from her. Bella peeked in and a scrap of lace in purple and gold, the school's colors, met her eyes. She blushed and closed it quickly, shoving it at Edward. He opened it and grinned.

"Remind me to thank Alice," he said, laughing at the expression of total humiliation on Bella's face. Charlie raised his eyebrow, but after looking from one to the other, and Esme's grinning face, chose not to say anything. Bella was eternally grateful.

Emmett and Rosalie were next, handing the present to Edward. He smiled at the two of them, and then ripped the wrapping paper off. "Holy shit!" he screamed, holding up the complete collection of Family Guy in his hands. Bella groaned and rolled her eyes, before glaring hard at Rosalie, who just grinned and shrugged. "Me and Bella are so thankful for this, we're going to be having a Family Guy marathon now!"

Bella groaned again, louder, and glanced heavenward. "Speak for yourself, buddy. I'm going to be in my room with the earphones in." It wasn't that she didn't like the show, but extended hours upon hours just didn't really sound like her idea of a good time.

"That's why we got you a present too, Bellikins," Emmett teased, producing a second wrapped package from behind his back.

Bella smiled and ripped the paper off to reveal a brand new Olympus XA, the best film camera of all time. "Holy shit," she repeated Edward's sentiments. "How the heck did you afford it?" It was like a camera made of gold, and Bella had been attempting to buy one for almost 3 years now, but they were expensive and the bakery didn't pay that much biweekly.

Rosalie giggled, "Just call it a present and stop asking questions." Bella hugged her and Emmett, so happy her new best friend was going to be living in Forks with her. Emmett and Rosalie had moved back there six months ago, when Emmett had been offered the management position at the local auto shop. Rosalie had graduated a year early, and was working as a nurse at the hospital.

"I love you guys so much," Bella whispered, looking at the two of them, and then each person in the room, "Thanks for making this day so special."

*~*

As I am walking the boardwalk, my mind wanders back over everything that had led up to the break-up, and then everything that had happened afterwards. Perhaps there is some way to forgive Edward, but I don't think it'll be possible without counselling on both our parts. And I don't think I'll ever trust him if he doesn't own up to the third person. I know I recognized her perfume, but I just can't place it.

I'm about to cross the street to the beach when I notice the Expresso Pump just up ahead. From my vantage point I can just make out Joshua serving coffee to a young girl with dark brown hair. It doesn't look busy in there, so he'll obviously see me, but for some reason my feet are carrying me over there. I need to talk to him, even though I know that's the most selfish thing I can do.

I walk into the little shop and feel slightly at home. Me and Alice used to end every single shopping trip at this coffee shop back when Joshua's dad, Levi, owned the shop. He got to recognize us by name and used to have special desserts sent over to us free of charge. I miss Levi, but he's been gone for 6 years, according to Joshua. It's funny to me that he had never once been in the shop then, but apparently he had been away at college, studying acting, when his father had passed away and he had decided to run the little shop, rather than sell.

I sit at a little table, looking nervously around. A waitress comes up to me and asks for my order, but I'm cut off as Joshua walks up behind me carrying two coffees and a mini cherry cheesecake. "It's okay, Nellie, I can handle this order." She nods politely, and goes to another table.

Joshua takes a seat across from me, sliding my mochacchino across the table, and I smile lamely and swipe some of the whip cream of the top, sucking it into my mouth. "I have no idea why I came," I say quickly, glancing up at Joshua with a small smile I'm hoping will come off as friendly.

He laughs, to my surprise, and shakes his head. "Yes, you do, you know exactly why you're here." I must look confused, because he laughs again and elaborates, "You totally missed my hot body!"

My eyes get wide, and I choke on a nervous laugh, too scared to tell him that that's definitely not the reason I'm here. But instead of looking offended, he laughs loudly. "I'm only joking, Bella. You're here cause you need a friend. I get it. Talk to me, tell me what happened." He looks so sincere that the urge to spill everything is overwhelming, and I find myself completely opening up to him.

I tell him everything, from my jealousy over Alice's baby because I can't have one, to the real reason Edward left me 10 months ago, 5 months before he literally left me. I tell him my fears over getting back together with him, and whether or not I can trust a cheater. And when I'm finished talking, both our coffees are gone and the cheesecake is half finished.

Joshua nods, totally patient, and thinks for a second. "Bella, when you broke up with me, I thought that was as worse as my life has ever been. How in the hell could it ever get any better?" I cringe, hating that I had hurt this wonderful man. "But it got better. Real better. A week ago I met this woman named Victoria, and Bella, she's fabulous. I didn't even want to try, but my cousin told me to stop pining after you, and to just listen to my heart. I'm so glad I did, because one date or not, this time I know it's for real. She's fabulous." I smile, a large, genuine smile. I didn't completely break him. I can breath a sigh of relief, because this wonderful man is getting back on the saddle and is taking off.

He takes another bite of cheesecake, talking over the mouthful. "Bella, my advice to you is the same as what my cousin told me: listen to your heart. Go home, listen to some DJ Sammy's Heaven, and some DHT's Listen To Your Heart. Listen to your wedding song. I don't care, just tune in, because that is the one thing that you can trust. Your brain, although making an excellent point, is making it really hard to even attempt to build a connection with your husband again." I nod, his advice totally making sense.

"I Do by Paul Brandt." He raises an eyebrow and I shrug, "That was our wedding song. I Do. Made sense at the time," I laugh, feeling so much more light hearted and happy then I did when I came to Port Angeles.

"Bella, seriously, it sounds like Edward really loves you. Give him another chance. But make sure he tells you the other woman and you seek counselling. It's not just for crazy people." Joshua smiles and I nod, as he is mirroring my own thoughts from an hour beforehand.

I glance outside and then stand up, "How much do I owe you, Dr. Phil?"

He laughs, "Nothing, advice, coffee, and cheesecake on the house tonight." He stands up and I hug him. It feels nice when he hugs me back, but I know we'll probably never be friends. Acquaintances when I come to the Expresso Pump, but it'd be awkward to be friends.

"Thanks so much, Joshua. I'll see you around?" He nods, and I leave.

So… maybe I can give Edward another chance after all.

--

A/N: Yeah, so I intended this chapter to be somewhat filler, but it ended up being like... the longest one I've written. hahha. So yay.

What did y'all think of Joshua's return?

Preview for tomorrow: Rosalie stops by for some girl bonding time, and E and B get married!

Leave me some love! (and remember what I said above :P)


	14. Girls Night and A Cullen Wedding

A/N: Okay, so is kind of a short chapter, but it's like a … filler chapter that sets the stage for the next chapter. And without this one, next chapter would either be REALLY long, or just not make sense.

So enjoy anyway!

--

A month later Rosalie comes over for a girls night of bonding. Alice was invited too, but she can barely sit up now, her due date being in three days. So she had opted to stay home and soak her feet, while Jasper entertained Maria. Maria likes to poke at Mommy's belly, and it is starting to give Alice stomachaches so whenever Jasper is at home now, it's his job to keep Maria happy.

Rosalie is currently braiding my hair into a thousand braids, telling me all about how Emmett is fabulous in bed, one of her favourite topics of conversation. "So then, I screamed so loud, that we woke up Edward and he yelled at us to shut the fuck up. It was so rude," she huffed, thinking about their extended houseguest. He hadn't found his own place yet, and Rosalie's annoyance at him is almost palpable.

"What did you say back to him?" I ask, laughing.

She grins, "I didn't say anything. Me and Emmett were finished so I grab my robe, stalk out into the living room and smack him upside the head. It was so funny, Emmett was standing in the doorway scratching his stomach and laughing, and Edward was cursing me out. I just smirked at him and went back to bed."

"You didn't say anything?" I ask, surprised as hell, because Rosalie is not the type to let her fists do the talking. Her mouth and her fists usually tag team.

"Well…," Rosalie draws the word out, "I didn't say nothing. I told him he had three fucking days to get out of my apartment or else I was going to chop his penis off and feed it to our dog." I laugh, wincing a little at the poor use of my favourite penis.

"You don't even have a dog."

"Details."

She pulls a little on a braid and sighs, not quite happy. "I don't know, Bells. A lot has happened that … I just wish he'd leave." I nod, although it's hard to do with her holding my hair.

"I get it. You want your space back, it's hard living with someone else and having a third wheel there to fuck it all up. Talk to him, tell him it's time he goes to stay with Carlisle if nothing else."

Rosalie sounds almost hesitant, and very peculiar when she responds, "Exactly, I need my … space back." Suddenly I can see what Emmett meant when he said Rose is a little weird when Edward is mentioned, and it confuses the hell out of me. "Bella, do you think Emmett will like it if I tell his brother to get the fuck out?"

I laugh, "Emmett doesn't really want Edward there, either, hon. So you're pretty much guaranteed he's not going to mind. Besides, you guys are getting married soon, he's not going to want to be there for the honeymoon stage." I giggle, thinking of mine and Edward's. It had lasted forever, almost up until the point when I screwed up and made Edward hate me.

Rosalie laughs, and finishes her handiwork. My head must be a tangle of braids at this point, and looking in the mirror I'm reminded of 4th grade when this look was still cool. "Nice, Rosalie," I say, laughing, and she smirks.

"Want to watch a chick flick?" she asks, walking over to my collection. Which is actually quite extensive, if I do say so myself.

"Sure, which one?" I pick at the braids and she shoos my hand, reaching in and grabbing _Dirty Dancing _and _Flashdance_. "Ah, old school tonight, then," I comment, walking into the kitchen. "Put one on and I'll replenish our daiquiris!"

I am just about to add the vodka to the mix when a sound stops me dead in my tracks.

"BELLA!"

*~*

_Two years ago._

Bella was staring at herself in the full length mirror. It was July 12th, 2007, and Bella was standing there in a beautiful white gown. She had made sure that Alice kept it simple, as she ended up planning the entire wedding for her. Rosalie and Alice had worked out a system where Alice was the official wedding planner, and the coordinator, and Rosalie got to be maid of honour. Alice said that being 'matron of honour' was tacky, so she gave the title to Rosalie.

Alice had chosen yellow dresses for Rosalie and herself, and the boys were all wearing yellow ties and had yellow napkins tucked into their jacket pockets. Renee was dressed in a pale green, that matched but didn't make her look like she was part of the wedding party, and Charlie and Phil both had pale green ties with their suits. Carlisle and Esme went with pale pink for their side of the family.

Alice had chosen to have the wedding in Bella's backyard, so that the two could get married in the doorway of the clubhouse. Well, she liked to take credit for allowing it, but that had been Edward's input. He had also specified that the clubhouse be decked out in flowers, and the doorway made into an arch. Alice took credit for that one too.

Now, all Bella had left to do was show up, look pretty and say two magic words that made Edward hers forever. But she couldn't get over the fact that the person standing in front of her mirror was her. Alice had truly outdone herself.

Her dress was gorgeous, designer, but Bella chose to ignore that. It was a one shoulder, empire style dress that flowed to the floor. Her veil was floor length as well, and that scared Bella a little, but her short shoes made up for that. They were only flip flops with a tiny wedge heel. Her hair was up in a low curled bun, pinned into place with bobby pins. Alice had opted to only have Bella and Esme have their hair up, but Esme's was a higher curled bun.

Bella grinned at her reflection and nodded to Alice, who nodded to the piano player that it was time to start. She took a big gulp of air when he started playing and stood up, facing the back door of her childhood home with the biggest grin on her face. From her vantage point she could see the boys standing at the makeshift alter, and the sight of Edward in a tux with a yellow tie was doing all kinds of things to her lower half.

Dum dum de dum. Dum dum de dum.

The old school wedding march played in her ears and she started her short trek up the aisle. She noticed lots of familiar faces there, like Jessica and Lauren from college, and Mike and Ben from high school. Ben was now married to Angela, and she looked quite pregnant.

When she reached Edward her eyes began to water, and she leaned over and kissed Charlie's cheek before he handed her off to Edward. When she smiled back at him, he was surreptitiously wiping a stray tear from his own eye, and she giggled, causing him to blush and almost trip over Renee on his way to his seat.

--

Alice had rigged a flat floor on the grass for everyone to dance on, so that's where Edward and Bella were as soon as the DJ announced time for the first dance. Bella had gotten rid of her veil and her shoes, and was hanging on to Edward for dear life; dancing wasn't her strong suit. But he held her up as if she weighed nothing, and they swirled around the floor to the sounds of Paul Brandt's voice.

Alice and Jasper stood off to the side, with Alice's head rested against Jasper's shoulder, swaying slightly. "It was a beautiful wedding, Allie," Jasper whispered over the music. "You should be proud."

Alice giggled, loving that it was 'her' wedding. Next was Rosalie and she'd go crazy over hers. If only Emmett would hurry up and propose already. "Thanks," she whispered back, leaning up to kiss his lips.

Emmett came over and clapped Jasper on the back. "So, how long do you give the happy couple before they're tearing each others throats out?"

Jasper laughed, "Oh, at least a year. Maybe two."

Alice hit them both upside the head, "No betting on the marriage. I followed every rule so that they have a long and happy life together. No blue bridesmaid's gowns, no sappy love songs as dictated by Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner, and Bella is currently wearing something borrowed, blue, new, and old!" She looked riled up, and Emmett put his hands up, backing away.

Jasper just laughed, "Still give them only a year or so before they're arguing like cats and dogs."

*~*

My eyes shoot up and the vodka falls out of my hands as I hear Edward's voice screaming my name. "What the fuck?" I whisper, as Rosalie runs into the kitchen.

"Was that Edward?" she asks, walking to the window. "Yep, that was definitely Edward."

I walk up behind her and peek out. There in the parking lot, is one very drunk ex-husband holding a bottle of rum, a giant heart, and with a bow and arrow strapped to his back. "And I repeat, what the fuck?"

Rosalie laughs, although I find it's rather high pitched and nervous. "I think he's supposed to be Cupid," she supplies, glancing down at him and rolling her eyes. "Or just a dumb drunk fuck attempting to win his wife back."

I roll my eyes and walk out onto the balcony off the kitchen. "Edward, what are you doing?"

"BELLA!" he screams again, and I hurriedly shush him. Cops are just not what I want to deal with tonight. Even if I know every single one personally. "Baby, come talk to me! We haven't talked in soooo lonnggg," his words drag out and he slurs a little. "I'll tell you! I'll tell you who she is, just come down here!" He swigs from his bottle, and I roll my eyes in disgust.

"Edward, go home. Come talk to me when you're sober!" I go to walk back into the apartment when I notice Rosalie looking everywhere but at me. She's twitching and it's making me nervous. "Rose?" I ask, but Edward hears me.

"Rosalie is there?" And when he says it, it comes out frightened. Like he's hiding something and scared to death I'm going to find out. I look from one to the other, then shrug, attempting to walk into the apartment. "No, wait! Bella listen! Please, come talk to me. I know I'm drunk, hell, I've been drunk for weeks, but baby, you have to listen to me. Please!"

So I sigh and turn around and nod. Might as well go downstairs before he yells all the neighbours awake. There goes our easy night of chick flicks and daiquiris.

Just as I go to walk by Rosalie, I turn to grab my own drink and the wind from the open balcony door catches Rosalie's hair.

And I freeze.

Slowly I turn around to look at her, and she's crying, head in her hands.

"Oh my god. It was you?"

--

A/N: Gah! I can't believe how short this is. That sucks, but it was necessary so as to get to the next chapter, and the big confrontation. Anyway, hope you liked it.

Oh, and I made Bella's bridal party, and I worked REALLY hard on it, so check it out:

http://www2(dot)davidsbridal(dot)com/dyw/details_public(dot)jsp?w=FCOFNLAAAA&v=ANPHMDFAAH

It's really cute. The line up goes, Charlie, Renee, Alice, Rosalie, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle. But I'm sure you could figure that out by looking at them :P

Leave me some love!


	15. Bella Finds Out and The Incident

A/N: Okay, so I miscalculated on their ages and um... totally screwed up. If any of you caught it but didn't say anything, kudos! haha. Therefore, it only makes sense that I give you the incident a chapter early. Thus it'll be in this chapter.

It works better anyway, since then in chapter 16 there won't be a past portion, kay :)

So enjoy, and tell me if anyone guessed!

--

I stare at her in disbelief, trying to rid myself of the traitorous thoughts. Because obviously my nose is lying to me. Rosalie would never, I mean, never cheat on Emmett, and especially not with his brother and her best friend's husband. No, it's a mistake.

"Rosalie?" I ask, my voice cracking a little, my eyes wide and a tear leaking out of the corner of my eye. She doesn't respond, she's too busy crying her eyes out. "Rose?" I repeat, my bottom lip quivering, and ringing starting in my ears.

"Oh god…"

I'm in shock. I don't have any other words to describe it. There are no feelings, or there's too many that I can't feel one. Everything feels like it's spinning out of control, and I'm getting a massive migraine from the constant ringing.

Just then, I hear a knock on the door. "Bella!" Edward screams from the other side, banging with both fists on the door. The sudden noise causes Rosalie to jump and the sobs to get louder. My head swivels from her mascara streaks to the door and I feel something.

Oh fuck, do I feel something.

"YOU GODDAMN BITCH!" I scream, as loud as I can, and I charge her, knocking her surprised, fucking whore ass down. I can faintly hear Edward's banging increase, as he tries to break into the apartment. Mrs. Dykeman is also in the hall screaming at him to shut up.

"You fucking slut! How could you, my husband? Emmett's brother?" Each word is punctuated by a punch to her nose, a slap to her cheek, or a fist in the jaw. Wherever I can reach that she isn't already covering with her hands. The rational part of my brain is screaming at me to calm the fuck down, but I'm through being rational. Bitch fucked my husband. "I hate you, you whore! Sleep with Jasper too, huh, bitch?"

Two hands grab me around the arms and pulls me off her, dragging me, kicking and screaming, into the living room. My mouth turns up into a smirk as the last thing I see is a bloody and crying Rosalie laying on my kitchen floor, not even attempting to stand up.

Turns out the real reason is because I knocked her cold.

"You fucking slut! Let go of me, Edward, I'm going to rip her limb from limb!" That rational part of my brain is back, but this time it's telling me that I should be attacking Edward too, if I'm going to be killing Rosalie.

He lets me go, and I snarl, jumping to my feet and charging at him, punching him repeatedly in the chest. Out of my peripheral I can see Mrs. Dykeman still standing in the hallway with a hand to her chest, her eyes wide with fright. "Bella, Bella, c'mon, stop, hear me out, Bella, fuck, oww!" He grabs me then and throws me at the couch, leaping on top and pinning my hands down. "Would you fucking calm down for a second!"

So I spit in his face. "Fucking asshole."

He glares down at me, his mouth thinning out very quickly and I can tell I'm pushing him to his anger limit. Edward may never have hit me, but I know that when he gets angry he gets violent. Which is why in our guest bedroom there is a punching bag, and he attends boxing classes every week. His face scares me a little, but not enough to actually calm down. "Get the fuck off me," I say up to him, my upper lip curled into a snarl. "If you ever thought there was a way for us to get back together, it just went up Rosalie's vagina along with your dick!"

Mrs. Dykeman gasps and I turn my head to catch her with a phone in her hand. Just then, Rosalie comes out of the kitchen, not crying anymore, but not looking at me either. Mrs. Dykeman gasps louder and rushes to her side, and I can hear her talking to my father on the other end of the line. I hope he decides to keep his fucking nose out of it, because I cannot deal with having to explain two dead bodies right now.

Because Edward isn't moving, I bring my knee up and, as best I can, smash it into his balls. Apparently I had a better vantage point then I thought because his eyes roll back and he falls off me quickly, laying on the floor holding his precious nuts. "Should fucking cut them off while I'm at it." I go to get off the sofa to grab a butcher knife from the kitchen, when Rosalie's voice stops me.

"Please, Bella, just hear us out." She's actually fucking pleading with me.

"Hear you out? Hear what, Rosalie? That you fucked my husband in my bed? Or was it your's and Emmett's?" The mention of my brother-in-law stops me in my tracks and my eyes grow wide. "Oh god, Em. How the hell do you think he's going to take this, Rose? You're engaged, for fuck's sake!" I can't even look at her anymore, so I lower myself into the chair and put my head in my hands.

"Bella, I know you hate me right now, but I was planning on telling you earlier. I can't live with this guilt." I scoff, a dry chuckle escaping me. "Please, please, Bella, I love you…" her voice is so small that I feel like stepping on her and finishing the job.

But god, I'm just so tired.

"Love… well, if it's all the same to you, Rosalie, I'd prefer you didn't love me anymore. I can live without your brand, thanks." I lift my head long enough to glare fire at her, and she shrinks back, swiping at the blood and tears rolling down her face.

My phone starts ringing, and only the possibility that it's Charlie following up on Nosy Fucker's call has me getting out of the chair.

But it's not Charlie.

"Bella? Alice's water broke."

*~*

_10 Months ago _

_November 4, 2008. _

_7:18 pm._

Bella was sitting with her buddy from the art gallery, one of the painters, a Native from down in the reservation. Jacob Black was everything Bella wished she could be: independent, free, and totally alluring. His way of life was just so… carefree, that Bella wondered how he did it. He only made a living doing paintings for the gallery, which went well, but he wasn't the most accomplished of the five artists that Forks Art Gallery hosted.

However, in spirit, he was definitely the richest.

He always had a smile on his face, a coffee for Bella, and a kiss for her cheek. She loved him dearly. But only as a friend. She suspected that he wished it was a little more, but she was very happily married.

Since their wedding day, Edward had been the most wonderful husband. Sure, it hadn't changed much from their previous living arrangements. They still quibbled over silly things like wet towels, and toilet seats, but he had spent their entire first year bringing her a present every single day. Somedays it was a chocolate bar, or he'd stop into Esme's Bakery and grab a dessert. Other days it was a necklace, or a flower. Film for her camera, a new frame, or tickets to a show. But Bella could honestly say that he loved her more every day. She never doubted his love, not when it was so blatently obvious.

So, she was sitting with Jacob. She had just gotten off work and the two of them were out in his trailer, down in La Push. She had been down here only a handful of times, but Charlie knew Jacob's father, Billy, from fishing trips the two had taken with Sue's ex-husband, Harry.

"Bella, what is the new shipment like of fertility gods?" Jacob asked, cutting the fungi up on the table. Bella had made a promise to Edward not to ever do any drugs, but those mushrooms were harmless. They weren't even addictive. Not like the marijuana that Edward consumed when they were 16.

Really, it was just a couple shrooms.

What was the harm?

"Oh they're great," she replied, lounging out on his futon. Edward was going to Port Angeles for a guy's night, and rather than hang with the girls she had decided to visit her new best friend. "We also got this great little guy, I'm so excited for her to see him. His name is Kokopelli, and his dick is huge!" Her eyes lit up and the two of them laughed.

"I'm already jealous of him," Jacob replied, and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure yours is just fine. They say Native Americans have huge ones," Bella winked at him, her eyes flicking south for a second.

Jacob laughed, "That's African Americans, retard." Her nose scrunched in thought for a second, before she laughed, her mouth making a perfect 'o'.

"So how long does it take to get those things ready, anyway?" Bella asked, nodding at the mushrooms.

"Oh, you can just eat them, but I like them better if you cut them up. More concentrated."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Umm… never heard that before, but okay." She shrugged, she'd never tried drugs before, so what did she know.

"Done," Jacob said, pushing the paper towards her. "Don't take too many, just like half a handful. They are really strong." Bella nodded, reaching down and grabbing some, shoving them in her mouth, and chewing quickly. They were disgusting, but she swallowed them down with a 'blecch!'

Jacob grinned at her, and took a handful for himself.

The effects were almost instantaneous. Suddenly the candles in the room were burning a hell of a lot brighter, and the soft background music was right beside her ears. She seen a snake where once a string of beads sat, and her eyes bugged out. "Holy shit." Jacob laughed at her voice, laying back in his chair and softly singing to himself, allowing the effects of the drug to completely saturate his mind.

--

_12:32 am._

Bella woke up a few hours later to a serious migraine, and a beeping sound to her right. She didn't open her eyes because the room on the outside seemed to be glowing with crazy lights. Her tongue felt heavy, and she attempted to move her arm, but it was attached to something else. "What the?" She whispered, cracking her eyes open a little.

White.

Their bedroom was painted light blue and yellow. "Huh?" Her eyes opened wider and she noticed that she wasn't actually in their room. She was in a hospital room. "What?" she asked, her voice sounding strange to her ears, and a pain shooting up her side when she tried to move.

Carlisle's soft voice sounded close to her head. "Ah, Bella, you're awake." She could detect a note of total disappointment, and she shook her head, trying to clear the clouds. The last thing she could remember was being at Jacob's and laughing when he said the word 'phallus'.

Oh yeah, she had been high then.

"Carlisle?" she whispered, wincing at how loud even a mere whisper was. "What happened?"

Now that she was awake and slightly more coherent she could feel pains all over her body. In her left leg, her left arm, and the left side of her torso. She attempted to sit up again, but winced, and allowed Carlisle to do it for her. Looking down she realized her right leg was in a cast and her right arm was heavily bandaged. "Carlisle?" she repeated.

He sighed and sat down in the chair beside her bed. "You were in a car accident, Bella." She stared at him funny, she didn't even remember getting in her car. "You were obviously strung out at the time, so details may be fuzzy, but on the way home from La Push you sped through a red light and were struck on the driver's side by a logging truck. We're all very supposed you even survived, not to mention the minor injuries you sustained." His eyes hardened a little, and I felt guilty, knowing that I had disappointed everyone I knew.

"What are my injuries?" I said instead of the apology bubbling on my lips.

Carlisle glanced quickly at his chart, and then sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You're left leg is broken in three places, including at the knee cap which will take surgery to fix. Your left side is very bruised, with internal bleeding being our biggest worry right now. And your left arm is sprained. You sustained a minor blow to your head, but I've been monitoring you closely, and you don't appear to have a concussion." Bella nodded, unable to speak, and feeling extremely tired.

Her eyes rolled to the ceiling and she sighed. "Is Edward here?" she asked, not entirely sure she wanted the answer.

Carlisle nodded, "But before I let you see him, I have a question for you. Bella, were aware that you were pregnant?"

Bella's eyes snapped to him immediately, hope bubbling in the pit of her stomach. "I'm pregnant?" she asked, her voice cracking a little. "You said I wasn't able to get pregnant." Carlisle allowed a tear to leak out his eye, and Bella's face falls. "Carlisle?"

"Bella, I'm so sorry. But you lost the baby in the accident."

*~*

We all walk into the hospital not twenty minutes later. Rosalie had cleaned her face up, and Edward had iced his balls. I walk in after them, keeping my distance, and wrapping my arms around myself. My anger hasn't subsided, nor do I think it will anytime soon, but Alice's baby trumps anything that I may be feeling towards the two of them.

When we walk into the waiting room, Emmett gasps, staring at his fiancee's face. "What in the hell happened, Rosie?" he yells, rushing over and touching it gently. I scoff and gag a little. Emmett's eyes snap to me and he raises an eyebrow, "Did you do this?" he asks, almost not believing.

"Hell, yeah, and I'd do it again." I stare defiantly at Emmett, but he just looks confused, as Rosalie's face falls and she sits down in the chair by herself, looking forlorn.

"This isn't the time, Bella," Edward whispers, the slur not so prominent now that he had to sober up quite quickly. Emmett looks at him too, and I can see it on his face, he's wondering what the hell is going on.

I refuse to tell him though. It's Rosalie's job. She should tell her husband what a lying, cheating, backstabbing bitch she is, and what a pig his brother is. Her voice comes out small when he sits down beside her, and I'm sure even he had to strain to hear her, "I slept with Edward eight months ago."

Emmett's eyes get wide, and his face mirrors what mine must have looked like earlier. Total shock and disbelief. This is our family, they wouldn't hurt us like this. But Emmett stands up, and backs away from her slowly. "What?" he asks, his voice rough with the urge to cry. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Rosalie's eyes snap up to his, and she is already crying again, "We were drunk, I don't even remember it. Please, baby, I love you." There she goes with that 'love' thing again. Fuck her, and fuck her love.

Emmett doesn't answer, but turns around and pounces on Edward, the two of them rolling around on the floor of the waiting room. Edward isn't hitting back, just trying to get Emmett off of him. Rosalie yells for them to stop, but I sit there with a knowing smirk on my face.

"You goddamn piece of shit!" Emmett screams, smashing him over and over again in the face. One of Edward's eyes looks almost swollen shut, and his lower lip is completely busted open. The sight is entirely gruesome, but it brings a small smile to my lips. "She's my wife! You're my brother! How could you, you sick fuck!"

Two orderlies rush over and pull Emmett off of Edward, or else I'm fairly certain he would have killed him. "Get off me," Emmett screams, tugging his arms free from the orderlies' grasp and sitting on the floor, breathing heavily. "Get the fuck out of my sight," he whispers menacingly at a very bloody, very bruised Edward who is coughing on his own blood and attempting to sit up. A nurse rushes over to him to inspect the wounds, but he waves her off, pushing himself to his feet and stalking off down the hall.

Emmett's fists are bleeding where the knuckles split, so I grab some of the disinfectant and paper towel and kneel beside him. He looks at me, and pulls me into his lap, crying into my shoulder. Over his, I can see Rosalie silently stand and leave the room too, in the opposite direction of Edward.

Holding on to Emmett for dear life, I let my own tears fall.

--

A/N: So now, Emmett and Bella now know. And Bella was quite the naughty girl 10 months ago, wasn't she?

Leave me a review telling me what you think of the 'incident' and whether or not you think I lived up to your expectations. :)


	16. In the Hospital

A/N: Like I said last chapter, there won't be any past part in this one, so it's entirely the aftermath :)

I'm glad you liked that I beat up my characters :P I actually really enjoyed that lol. ....Does that make me a weird person :P

**PLEASE READ:**

Oh and thank you so much for the tremendous amount of reviews on chapter 15! Yeah, I know Bella didn't know she was pregnant, but you have to see it all from Edward's point of view. She was going to leave him way back when because he was using drugs. She PROMISED him, no drugs, ever. Drugs are bad. They made that pact. But then when he goes out of town for the night, she just decides to live a 'free-er' lifestyle and uses drugs. When Edward used them, he forgot her 16th birthday. When she used them, she not only almost killed herself, but she took away their one and only chance at becoming parents, the natural way. So in Edward's mind, she CONCIOUSLY chose to take drugs. Then she CHOSE to drive home, although she doesn't remember. SO! In his mind, her negligence and her idiocy killed their baby. She totally fucked up. If that was a living person she had killed, she'd be carted off to jail.

Wow... long a/n. But I hope you guys go a little easier on Edward. He wanted to hurt her for almost taking herself away from him, and for taking away his child. All in the name of a carefree life.

--

Jasper walks into the room about twenty minutes later. His hair looks dishevelled, and he appears to be exhausted. He throws himself into a chair beside me; Emmett is sitting across the room staring at the ceiling. When we stopped crying, he refused to speak. I don't blame him, I don't feel much like talking, either.

Jasper looks at the two of us and sighs. "So I heard," he says, breaking the silence and causing Emmett to jump a little. "How are you holding up?" He's directing his question to Emmett but I'm not sure he hears, or maybe he just chooses to ignore the stupid question, because he remains silent.

So, instead, he looks at me and I shrug. "I have no idea. I want to be angry at Edward, but I already knew that he was cheating on me. But Rose…" I choke on the word and Emmett winces, clenching his eyes shut tightly.

"Don't say her name in this room," he whispers, harshly, his pain evident in his voice. I'm so heartbroken. But it's not that Edward slept with my best friend, although, that's a huge part of it. Right now, all I can think of is poor Emmett and the fact that he's suddenly in the same boat as I am. He's alone.

Jasper nods, but Emmett can't see. "Bella, Alice wants to see you. I didn't tell her yet, but she'll probably try and get it out of you. She thinks something's up, and you know how stubborn she is." I swallow and stand up, not bothering to answer, just walking out of the room.

When I reach the door, I glance back and Jasper has moved over to sit beside Emmett, mirroring his pose.

--

I walk into Alice's room with a sense of trepidation. She may not know, but she's about to give birth to her second child and I don't want to stress her out about something unnecessary. However, when I get into the room, Edward is already sitting in the chair beside her bed, his head resting on the mattress, Alice's hand running softly through his hair.

I stare in disbelief, and she raises her eyes to mine. "Comforting the enemy, huh?" I ask, angry creeping into my voice. "He got himself into this mess, Alice. I want nothing to do with him. I hope he's in pain, I hope it's cutting him horribly. He fucked Rosalie!" My voice is rising slightly with every word, the fact that Edward has yet to raise his head infuriating me. "Don't you understand that, Alice? He slept with my best friend, and his brother's wife!"

Edward's body starts shaking slightly, and I can tell he's crying, but I couldn't care less. He deserves to be heartbroken for a change.

Alice coos, and her hands don't stop their soft ministrations in his hair. "Bella, you need to calm down, this isn't healthy." Suddenly I'm angry at her too. How dare she lay there and defend him. How dare she take their side. Don't my feelings count too?

My eyes start watering, and my mouth drops open. "You're … you're defending him?"

She closes her eyes before opening them and tilting her head to one side. "No, I'm staying out of it. I'm pregnant and I do not want to be stressed out for this labour. However, I do think that taking into consideration what you did, Edward may have been slightly justified."

My eyes grow wide, "What - what are you talking about?"

Edward's head slowly rises then, and his red rimmed eyes turn to look at me. "I told her and Jasper. They deserved to know the whole story."

I scoff and stare at him, not noticing the silent, angry tears falling from my eyes. "Great, you make me out to be the bad guy. Thanks, Edward. I'm the drug addict who killed her baby." I throw my hands up and turn to walk out of the door, but he speaks.

"Our baby."

--

I need to calm down, I need to think, and there is no way I can do it in that room with those two. He slept with my best friend! How can I just forgive that? I had only met Kate twice, since he worked 45 minutes away and she lived down there. And Leah lives in La Push so I had never even met her.

But Rose… she was my college roommate, she had planned my wedding, hell, she was my maid of honour.

How can I just forgive that?

Joshua's words from last month come back to me. _'Listen to your heart.' _Well, right now, my heart is crying itself dry. What exactly is that supposed to mean?

My feet carry me down to the cafeteria. Because of the hour it's closed, but there is a small coffee shop in the corner that is still open. I go over there and grab a frappacchino, then sit in a booth that isn't visible from the doorway. I don't really want to drink the icy drink, I only bought it to allow me to sit in the darkened cafeteria. But as I sit down, I find myself drinking it as if it's my last meal. And with every sip of the frigid coffee a tear falls into the foamy liquid, and my mind replays another scenario of the two of them.

"God!" I scream, shaking, and breathing heavily. I clutch my heart and clench the fist that isn't holding the straw. My sips gain speed, until I'm not even breathing, I'm shaking so hard, and attempting to drink. I must look totally crazy, because the young girl working the shop is staring at me like I have three heads.

But really, what other choice do I have?

Brain freeze has me stopping my insane sucking and I take a deep breath and unclench my fist.

"I love my husband."

Okay, that much I know. I love him. I want to be with him. But… now that I know the truth, is it any different? I was planning on forgiving him a month ago when I talked to Joshua. I was planning on coming back to Forks, letting him sweat it out a little longer, then confronting him about the third woman again.

I had been so hyped up to know. Now I just wish I could take the knowledge back. "However," I say out loud to myself, causing the young girl to shoot another weird look over here, "I don't even know if he would have really told me tonight. He said he was going to."

I close my eyes, take another sip, and then lay my head on the table. I only open them because I can hear the distinctive voices of Rosalie and Emmett in the hallway, coming closer.

"Emmett, please, just talk to me!" I can hear her begging, and I shrink farther into the booth, attempting to become invisible. "I'm so sorry, I know, I screwed up! But you were out of town, and Edward was helping out with something, and we had way to much to drink. I know, it's not an excuse, but it's all I have," Rosalie's voice is filled with unshed tears, and I'm struck with sudden pity for her, before I quickly shake it off.

"Go home, Rosalie, no one wants you here," Emmett doesn't sound angry anymore, just tired. Like I feel. Confused and tired. But I'm so tired of being alone. And I'm so tired of missing Edward.

Rosalie's heels click into the cafeteria and I know their heading to the coffee shop. From there I will be perfectly visible, and I don't want to get in the middle of their argument. I have too many thoughts as it is.

Emmett walks up to the girl and orders a black coffee, and Rosalie remains quiet, standing ten feet behind him and hanging her head. I can tell she's shaking a little with her pain, but from the looks of it, her face is dry, although very purple in places.

When Emmett gets his coffee he goes to turn around and that's when he notices me in the corner. He gives me a sad, small smile, and then walks off back the way he came. I assume Rosalie will follow him, but instead, she stares wistfully after him, and then walks in my direction. I sigh, sipping at my coffee, but there's nothing left and I shove it away from me in disgust.

"Can I sit down?" she asks, voice quivering. Honestly, I feel like hitting her again, but I just violently wave that she can. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I know that you'll probably never forgive me, and we'll never be the sisters that we once were, but I want you to know that. I am sorry. If I had the power to go back and change that night I would, but I don't even remember what happened. I just remember waking up next to him in bed and being naked." I wince at this and she looks down. "Sorry, guess you didn't need to hear that…"

"No, Rosalie, I didn't need to hear any of this. I trusted you. You were my best friend." I hate the amount of tears I've shed tonight, so I refuse to let the latest batch, pooling in my eyes, fall.

"I don't know. I don't know what else to say to make this better-"

"It'll never be better, Rosalie. Our friendship is over, there is no more us." She nods, accepting this sadly, and stands back up. Before she walks away she turns back to me, though.

"I know you'll never forgive me. I know I just threw away my best friend. But… try and forgive Edward. He really does love you, he's always loved you, Bells." With that, she walks away, and I lay my head back down on the table, the ringing starting again in my ears.

--

I am still laying there when Jasper comes to get me an hour later. I stand and stretch, and he smiles at me. "I'm going to be a dad again, Bells." His voice is so full of wonderment, that it causes a smile to creep across my face. I'm glad that even in this mess of my life that Jasper can still be the best father I've ever met, my own excluded.

"Yeah, you are. The most wonderful father in the world." I laugh a little, and throw my arms around him. "Thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for," I whisper, holding Jasper tightly and not wanting to let go. Jasper and Emmett were the only two that hadn't betrayed me, so I need them around me more than usual.

He smiles into my hair and kisses my cheek. As we go to walk out of the cafeteria, I loop my arm through his and try and leech some of his happiness into my own worndown body. After all, I am here to celebrate a new birth, not despair over the ending of life. Jasper grasps the hand that's attached to his arm, and laughs a little. "Bella, what's going to happen now? I don't want to remember the night my son was born to be the day the rest of my family broke up. I don't want to have to choose sides."

I sigh, and look at my feet as I walk, not really sure of the answer. "How do you know it's a boy, huh?" I tease, avoiding his question.

"Simple math, I have a girl, so now God is going to be nice and give me a boy." We both laugh at this, and then he hits my arm, "Now stop avoiding my question."

Jasper has always been the best person to discuss personal problems with because he's so empathetic. It's like he just knows exactly what you're trying to say without saying it, and exactly how to make you feel better. "Jazz," I start, drawing out the word a little, "I honestly don't know. I love Edward, and I miss him every day. But… where is our future?"

He smiles slightly, but it doesn't reach his ears. "If it was Alice… I have no idea what I'd do. But I know I can't live without her." I nod, this seems scarily familiar to me. "However, if you do take him back, he's going to have to rebuild your trust, and you have to rebuild his. And therapy is probably a very good idea for you guys." Again, I nod, as he's repeating everyone's sentiments.

Therapy.

But… is that going to be enough to forgive him for what he did to my heart?

--

The first thing I notice when we walk into Alice's room is that she is very sternly talking to Edward and Rosalie, but Emmett is no where to be seen. "And yes, I realize you were drunk, but you two are grown people! Cheating is never the answer. Edward, how could you do that to Bella? I thought you loved-Oh… you're back." I guess she's still sore from me yelling at her earlier, because she isn't exactly welcoming.

Jasper walks over and sits down on the side of her bed, his arm encircling her shoulders, and he, too, glares at the two offenders.

"But then again, not all the blame can be placed on you. Bella, how could you? Getting high and driving? Getting high in the first place? Do you not remember the pact you made with a very high 16 year old Edward who turned his back on you?" Alice's voice is reaching monumental sternness and I'm a little scared of her. The contractions just make the whole thing that much scarier.

"Where are your parents?" I say to distract her from chewing me out. Sure, I had a lot of answer too… but that doesn't mean I want to.

"Mine flew to Vancouver for some retreat, they'll be back tomorrow, and Jasper's Dad is on his way here from Seattle. Carlisle and Esme will drop by tomorrow when the excitement dies down a little." She glared at me, whipping off the answer quickly, "Now fuck off and talk to each other."

Yep, Pregnant Contraction-y Alice is a scary breed.

Edward looks down at his feet, refusing to meet my gaze, and I close my mouth tightly. I have nothing to say to him right now. Nothing I can admit to myself anyway. Rosalie backs up against the wall and sinks down so her knees are drawn up to her chest. "Where is Emmett?" she asks, voice hoarse from all the crying.

Jasper looks around, "I left him sitting in the waiting room. But I'm not sure he's going to want to come in here. He's… he's not doing so well right now." Well that's putting it lightly. He would have gladly killed his brother if you hadn't yanked him off, Jazz.

Rosalie nods but rather than heeding his advice, she pushes herself back up and walks silently out of the room. Two seconds later the sound of yelling can be heard down the hall and then two nurses asking them to leave the premises if they insist on being so loud. It gets quiet again, and I'm not sure whether they left or are just sitting there staring at each other. Probably the latter.

Alice sighs and throws her hands up, "Well this is going fabulously. You two are like children."

"Children? Alice he willingly put his dick in another woman. How the fuck am I supposed to feel right now?" I don't mean to snap at her, but she can't possibly understand the pain his cheating caused me. "I mean… if he wanted to seek revenge, he wanted to hurt me, he did. More than he could possibly feel. Cold hearted asshole." I say the last part under my breath, but his head snaps up and I'm sure he heard.

"Right, I'm in no pain at all. Cause knowing that the baby you wanted so badly but could never have, the baby you would have given anything for, that baby actually existed only to be taken away from you in the same instant? Bella, you killed our child! I owe you nothing." Edward looks fierce and his fingers are clenched into fists.

Nodding, I let my eyes drop to the floor. "You're right, I did that. I killed our baby. And I have to leave with the regret and the guilt over what I did that night for the rest of my life. Isn't that punishment enough?"

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for cheating, I'm sorry for wanting revenge, and most of all, I'm sorry that it was Rosalie. I'm sorry you had to find out that way." His eyes are shadowed, and I can see the purple bruises under them, the kind you get when you aren't sleeping right. "I just wish I could erase the last 10 months and live them over again."

"I wish the same thing every day, Edward."

"Is there any way to go back? To… erase the past?" I scoff at that. It is a stupid question anyway. I did irreparable damage to my uterine lining that day, and Carlisle says that my chances of having a baby are nonexistent now. My insides will kill anything that manages to attach itself in there.

"Edward…," I start, now sure how to respond, but a small nod from Jasper has me finishing my start, "We need to start over. Not erase the past. If I am to ever even think about giving you another chance, we need counselling. That's our only option." I look deep into his eyes, "I can't trust you, anymore." He flinches, as if punched, but he has to know. There is no trust in this relationship anymore.

A small grunt from Alice alerts me to another of her contractions. She is trying to mask the pain so as not to interrupt mine and Edward's heart-to-heart but the pain almost doubles her, and she lets a tiny scream go.

Jasper smiles and his eyes go wide with excitement, as his fingers find the call button for the nurse.

--

A half hour later, Alice is being brought back into her room where we're all sitting, minus Rosalie. Her and Emmett are taking turns because Emmett can't stand being in a room with her for more than five minutes.

Jasper walked in after her carrying a little bundle wrapped in pink. He only has eyes for the baby, and he is cooing at her like mad. I laugh at him, "Guess God was busy, Jazz."

He looks up and grins at me, "I don't even care." He brings the baby over to us, and holds her out gently so we can all crowd around and see. Alice is smiling at us from her bed, and staring at her baby with total adoration in her eyes.

I look down at the newest member of the family, and she stretches up to us in her sleep, making the cutest little noise ever. Edward reaches down and tickles her under the chin, then puts his finger in her little grasp. Emmett laughs, cooing at her in a way that makes me grin. He would make the best father, if only him and Rosalie, or someone else, would make up.

I glance up at Jasper and a tear comes to my eye as I watch all three of the men cooing over such a tiny little angel. "What's her name?" I mouth to Alice.

She lets a small tear fall from her eye and then smiles, "I named her after her two aunts, Isabella Rosalie, Izzie for short." Emmett raises his head to look at Alice and then smiles back down at the little girl, his eyes filling with tears.

For the first time in ten months, I feel that maybe, just maybe, everything is going to turn out all right, and our family will be together again.

--

A/N: Next chapter is the epilogue. I haven't written it yet, so I have no idea if I will get Emmett and Rosalie back together. You guys will just have to wait and see :)

Oh and cplust wanted me to name the baby Lillian, which is Lily, which is still in the flower family with Rose, but I didn't think it'd be quite as striking as just using Rosalie lol

Leave me some love!


	17. The End Redux

A/N: So this is it, folks. The end. Should there be trumpets and a parade now?

Yes, I realize the epilogue is short, but I already gave you the whole story. This is just wrapping up loose ends.

Here you go!

--

_One year later. September 22, 2010._

It's been a year. Nothing is the way it was a year ago.

Alice and Jasper are still happily married, but taking an extended break before going for number three. Although Jasper says that they have to keep trying until Alice gives him a boy. It's only fair, after all, she got two girls to dress up and turn into little spoiled brats. Just like their momma. Well, he didn't tell her that, just me. But every time Alice puts Maria and Izzie in a princess outfit he catches my eye and we both giggle.

Emmett and Rosalie didn't get back together. I don't really talk to Rosalie much anymore, it's too hard. I try, we did have lunch two weeks ago, but it was awkward and there was a lot of silences. But I do try. I'm slowly forgiving her for what she did. My therapist says forgiveness is the best medicine, so I'm really working at moving past everything that happened and finding a new start to our friendship.

Emmett refuses to even speak to Edward.

It's totally understandable, but it makes it hard to maintain a relationship with him. He's alienated himself from the rest of us, only talking to Jasper because Jasper makes him. He won't talk to me because I gave Edward a second chance. He thinks that I'm just as bad as he does.

My therapist tells me that I have to cut myself off from his negativity and let myself heal and forgive. But I love Emmett so much. He's my own brother when I needed one. He's always been there for me. And, god, I just miss him like crazy.

Alice said once that he mentioned he missed me too. She specifically mentioned that he didn't say Edward's name at all.

I tried calling him a couple times, but our phone number comes up as Edward Cullen so he won't pick up.

Rosalie is hurting, all the time. Alice is still very good friends with her, I know, because they go bowling every Tuesday night with the two girls. But I'm never invited because Alice says I'm overtly rude to Rosalie without even realizing it. It's true, I probably am. Like I said, I'm trying not to be angry with her, and to move past it, but every time I see her I picture her with my husband.

She got a nursing offer down in San Diego, and she told me on our lunch that she's seriously considering it. Emmett hasn't spoken to her in exactly a year, since that day at the hospital, and everyone in town seems to know that she slept with her fiance's brother. I feel bad for her, because I never wanted her to be made fun of and ridiculed in the street.

I remember about 7 months ago, I was walking out of the grocery store with my bags when I noticed Rosalie sitting by herself on a bench across the street. I was going to put my bags in my truck and just drive off, I hadn't spoken to her, yet, at that point, but this old lady walked up to her. She got right in her face, and I couldn't hear what she was saying, but Rosalie was crying. Then I heard the old lady yell, "Slut! You'll burn in hell!" and she walked off.

That was the first day I talked to Rosalie, and the day I decided that forgiveness was really the only policy.

I'm not entirely sure how I would feel if Rosalie decided to take the job. I know I'd miss her. We are no where near as close as we were that first year in college when she walked in on me and Edward and laughed about how hairy his butt was. But, we're slowly rebuilding that friendship, and she's still that same woman I've always loved like a sister. However, she did sleep with my husband and lie about it for almost nine months. And I really can't get that image out of my head.

Edward.

God, where do I begin?

We're working things out. At first he moved out of Emmett's into a small bachelor on top of the gas station, but two months ago he moved back into our apartment. It's going well, but somedays I need him to go sleep on the couch because I can still smell Rosalie's perfume, or I can see Kate's hair in his fingers. Those days are hard, and we usually fight and throw things.

Mrs. Dykeman has called the cops 6 times since he moved back in. Charlie has yet to actually follow through with any of them.

But we're taking it slow. We're going to counselling once a week as a couple, and I see a therapist on my own twice a week. I like going by myself, because saying everything I'm feeling in front of Edward weirds me out. He doesn't need to know my innermost thoughts.

Whenever something about Edward triggers my feelings of anger and resentment towards him, I'm supposed to go take pictures. They've gotten kind of gruesome and very emotional lately, but I showed some to my therapist 4 months ago, and she loved them. She actually purchased three, which I thought was sort of unethical, but she laughed and said that they would look great in her living room.

I think maybe she's a little fucked up herself.

But she inspired me in the end. Jacob left the gallery after he heard about the car accident. It was a big loss to the gallery, because he was bringing in most of our clients. However, we found a couple replacement artists and lived comfortably off of them for a year and a half, until one guy, Caius, had a heart attack. He hasn't been able to pick up a paintbrush since.

So, I put my own photos in.

And they were a huge success!

I was always confident in my skills as a photographer, but it wasn't until people came from Florida to see my pictures, and actually purchase them, that I realized just how good I really am. Now, I'm not only a co-owner of the gallery, but a lot of the pictures on the walls have my name in them. It definitely helps to clear my mind whenever life gets me down.

It's weird though. Edward and I have been back together for so long now, that you'd think we'd go right back to having sex. But we haven't even been naked around each other, yet. I'm really too scared to do it.

What if I'm not as good as he remembers? What if he really did prefer the others over me? What if he doesn't like my body?

Then there's always the fact that whenever I kiss him I wonder if Rosalie used more tongue, or if Leah's lips were softer, or if Kate nibbled his bottom lip in just the perfect way.

My therapist says it's normal and not to rush into anything, but I know that Edward is getting antsy. He's horny, but too scared to rock the boat to say anything about it. It's a tenuous relationship, and trust isn't very high, but we're working on it.

I find that most everything in my life, most everyone, is currently being worked on. Everything needs a little adjustment.

Except Alice and Jasper. God, I'm still jealous of their love.

Like my therapist says, however, everything good in life is never easy. Everything takes a little work, a little elbow grease, and in the end if it's meant to be, it'll find a way.

So who knows, maybe me and Edward were forever, after all.

--

A/N: Kind of sad to see this story end, actually. It was so much fun working on it! I love writing, and I have tons more ideas, some Twilight, some Buffy. So, I'll get to work on those soon and if you're subscribed you'll be alerted :)

Thank you to everyone that stuck by me until the end, and faithfully reviewed, and just basically, loved this story. I couldn't have done it without you :)

So, without further adieu:

Leave me some love!


	18. Author's Note 3 years later

Just re-read my own story, since I wrote this 3 years ago, and I still get reviews telling me how horrible a story it is and how I've undermined the female population. I guess I'm just writing this to try and change the mind of any future reader, although, if you hate Edward as well, then that's okay too.

But even now, I still don't see Edward as a terrible guy that is beyond forgiveness. And I don't see Bella as a girl who let a man control everything about her. I see two people who have been madly in love for 13 years get thrown into this terrible ordeal where their entire world got turned upside down, and then they BOTH reacted badly. Bella could have left at any time - she knew Edward was cheating, and she knew that he was doing it for revenge - but she didn't for the simple reason: She was punishing herself. Deep down she understood what Edward was so callously angry about. She understood why he wanted to hurt her. Edward wanted a baby more than anything, but because Bella made one stupid decision, that was taken away from them forever. I think if I was to re-write this, however, I would take out the part of her finding out she could never have children. Perhaps if her losing the baby was more a shock, more people could put themselves in Edward's shoes more.

That doesn't excuse the methods in which Edward used - he could have left her, as well, but I think both were holding on to each other because as mad as he was at her, and as much as he hated her at that point and didn't think he would ever get over it, he was still shocked when she told him to leave. He honestly did not want to leave, and life without Bella seemed bleak and empty - he just didn't realize that he had actually forgiven her until it was too late. That was his fault, which is why in the end Bella hasn't touched him yet, and Bella still has memories and flashes of the other girls.

Will they end up together? Who knows. Perhaps Bella realizes down the road that she can't forgive Edward after all, and I fully acknowledge that Edward has a lot more to be forgiven for than she did, but the point of the end was that she was trying. She wanted to have him in her life more than she wanted him out of her life. It happens a lot, you know, someone cheats and then the couple moves past it. This wasn't that out of the blue, and whenever anyone says "I don't understand how she could get over it!" I always get surprised. People grow. People change. And people forgive. That was really the point of the story. If you didn't get that at the end, that's okay, I'm okay with that, and I still want to hear your honest opinions of the characters. But Emmett's and Rosalie's relationship is one side of cheating - Emmett couldn't forgive, he couldn't get past it. Edward and Bella's is the other - forgiveness, therapy, working it out slowly.

I don't like having to defend my own character, but after three years of poor Edward getting bashed, I felt like I should. I do appreciate each and every review, however, even the negative ones. But I just don't see how some people said that this story was disrespectful to women in general - women, men, people cheat and people forgive.

I know this was long, but hopefully some people find some of the answers that perhaps they missed in the story.

Again, thank you so much for reading, and please leave all HONEST reviews - be they negative or otherwise. I do want to know what you think.


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